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“We don’t have another chair, so you’ll have to sit on the sand,” Theo’s great-aunt said. “I’m Elsie, and that little shit who owns the house you’re staying in is my great-nephew. This here is Agnes,” she pointed to the woman on her right with the bright purple hair, then to the woman with stunning silver hair. “And that’s Maude.”
I raised a hand lamely. “I’m Elle.”
“Are you the one on the tube of you?” Elsie asked. “With the curly hair?”
“Um, yes.”
“Will you teach me how?” Agnes patted her hair that was only just long enough to curl. “I was going to get a perm, but that stupid stylist told me I couldn’t because I color my hair. Have you ever heard such insanity?”
“I’m really not a hair stylist,” I replied diplomatically. “I’m afraid I don’t know about perms.”
“Ah, well, I’ll have to ask the internet.”
I didn’t recommend that, but I didn’t offer that opinion, either.
“Sorry we disturbed you,” Maude said, not looking the slightest bit sorry as she picked up her red solo cup. “Wine?”
What the hell? “Sure.”
Maude picked up another empty solo cup and filled it to the brim with white wine, emptying the bottle. She handed it to me with a toothy grin that was, ironically, missing one tooth on the left side.
I took it, returning the smile, albeit somewhat warily.
What had I stumbled onto here?
Elsie leaned forward. “I bet you’re wondering what we’re doing out here.”
“A little.”
“Aliens.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Aliens?”
Agnes made a ‘pfft’ sound. “She doesn’t believe us. Maude, take back our wine!”
Elsie’s eyes rolled so hard I worried she was giving herself a migraine. “She was asking, Agnes! Settle your tits!”
Settle your tits? What was I getting myself into here?
“Tell me about the aliens,” I said.
What the hell? I had nothing else to do tonight. Besides, I was game for a good conspiracy theory, even if said theory came from previously naked elderly women.
We all had our vices, even if I could do without the nakedness.
Agnes’ eyebrows shot up. “We’re the Creek Key Conspiracy Krew—crew spelled with a K.”
I paused. “So you’re the CKCK? I like that.”
“I like her,” Maude announced. “We should recruit her.”
“I’m only here for a week,” I said quickly. “And I don’t know a lot about aliens.”
All three women leaned forward.
I sat back.
Whoa.
“You like aliens?” Agnes stroked her chin.
In hindsight, I should have known that three naked old ladies on the beach in the dark was either going to be aliens or witchcraft.
“I’m indifferent,” I said after a long moment of all three of them staring at me. “I don’t disbelieve the theories, but I’ve never paid enough attention to it to say they conclusively exist.”
Their eyes all lit up like they’d hit the jackpot.
“She’s convertible,” Maude said, rubbing her wrinkled hands together with glee. “We can recruit her!”
Recruit me?
Scratch that, maybe this wasn’t aliens or witchcraft. Maybe this was Satanism.
“Recruit me?” I squeaked out.
“We need to expand,” Agnes said. “We’re struggling to recruit younger members. You could really help our cause if you joined.”
“Your cause?”
Elsie nodded. “We have to tell the people the truth! Aliens are out there, and the government are hiding them from us!”
Oh, Jesus, what had I stumbled upon? This would teach me to go walking across the beach at night. I knew better than to go out alone at night.
“Right.” I said the word slowly and carefully, drawing it out.
“It’s a conspiracy,” Maude whispered. “They know! They test on them! They live among us!”
Ooookay, then.
God, this was like falling down a Wikipedia hole, except this Wikipedia was old and alien obsessed.
“Can I ask you something?” I looked between all three women and when nobody protested, said, “Why are you naked out here?”
With a straight face, Elsie said, “We’re trying to attract the attention of the aliens, obviously.”
“We want to be probed,” Agnes added on a whisper. “So they can understand us better.”
Yeah. I wish I hadn’t asked now.
“Agnes, I told you not to come down here!” Theo’s clean-cut British accent saved me from having to reply.
It wasn’t as relieving as I’d imagined an interruption to be. Because it was him.
The last person I wanted to see tonight.
“Oh, damn it,” Maude muttered. “It was you, waving that gosh darn phone light around!”
I balked. “Hey, you’re the ones who walked up to me naked. You didn’t have to do that. In fact, if you hadn’t, I bet he’d have no idea you were out here.”
“Shouldn’t you be looking after your daughter?” Elsie asked, sipping her wine. “You’re not allowed to leave nine-year-olds home alone.”
Theo stopped in front of us all and put his hands on his hips, right on the waistband of his gray sweat shorts. He scanned us with his ice-blue eyes, and his expression hardened slightly when he saw me. “She’s not home alone. She’s a hundred feet away inside a locked house, sleeping. Like all of you should be.”
