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It’s awful. I realized yesterday morning that I hadn’t gotten my period in about two months and immediately panic set in. I’d dashed to a local store to grab a test, but they’d been out. I went to buy the test I’m holding now on my lunch break today, but still haven’t worked up the nerve to use it.
No time like the present, I think with a deep sigh.
I stuff the box back into my purse, quickly straighten up the conference room, and then head to the ladies’ bathroom. This isn’t where I want to do it either, but I’m too nervous to wait any longer. It’s now or never.
Once locked in the stall, I take a few deep breaths to steady my shaking hands. Finally, accepting the fact that I at least need to know if I’m pregnant one way or the other, I take the test. The three minutes it takes for the screen to blip to life feel like the longest moments of my life.
While I wait, I think about Carlton and what this potential outcome could mean for our relationship. On the one hand, we’ve been very careful about protection. He knows that I’m young and fertile, and he’s a virile man in his prime. Yet there were definitely a few times when we got carried away in the heat of the moment, and we skipped the condoms. After all, our romantic fling has been fiery, wild, and to be honest, I loved feeling him raw in me.
Sitting here now, however, I can hardly believe my recklessness. It’s not just about the fact that I might be pregnant, but it’s instead the realization that this event could and probably will change everything between Carlton and myself.
With a groan, I check my watch.
One more minute to go, I think nervously.
I let my mind wander back to our first date. Bitterly, I think about how I wanted to get revenge on Carlton to make him pay for all his years of bullying. As we spent more and more time with each other, however, that desire for vengeance slowly faded as I started to get to know the man. What happened?
My watch clicks, noting that the last minute on the timer is up.
Bracing myself, I pick up the indicator to read the results. My heart immediately begins pounding hard in my chest as I process what the word on the tiny screen says: Pregnant.
Oh my god, oh my god, I repeat to myself, panic rising in my chest. I stare at the screen as the tears slowly start to run down my cheeks.
I can’t be pregnant, I lament. This is not my life.
My first thought is that my plan for vengeance has backfired completely. I was supposed to make Carlton fall in love with me and then dump him, but now, I’m pregnant with his child. Even more, I was supposed to humiliate him by exposing that big horse cock to all our colleagues, but instead that huge tool has gotten me preggo.
The irony, I think as I wipe at hot tears.
But my next thought is even more horrifying than my first: what if I tell Carlton about the baby, and he decides he wants nothing to do with me? Or us? It’s a soul-crushing realization, since he and I have never once discussed our feelings about a long-term future or anything. In fact, we haven’t discussed anything, period. We’ve just been having a good time with one another while enjoying each other’s bodies.
But then I take a deep, shuddering breath because even if Carlton doesn’t want this child, I do. I’m young, but with a certainty, I know that I’m destined to become a mother. Yes, it’s happened earlier than anticipated, but a baby is always a blessing.
But how am I ever going to work up the courage to tell him?
After another few minutes of intense crying in the stall, I realize that I need to leave the bathroom and figure out what to do next.
Grateful that Carrie has already headed out for the company happy hour, I make my way to my desk. The office is mostly empty at this point, and, although I’ve managed to look less weepy, I know I still look like a mess.
Settled in at my desk, I weigh my options. I know that I want to keep the baby, but I don’t know what kind of response I’ll get from Carlton about, well, any of it. I also know that I won’t be able to keep such a huge piece of information secret from him for very long. The man is sharp, and he’ll notice immediately if I’m acting any differently. Hell, if I cough, he immediately jumps up to get me syrup.
Also, he deserves to know, I admit without hesitation. Carlton James is the father of my child.
