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8
Jeff
Iknew that it was a bad idea as soon as I was moving toward her to take the kiss, but I had to. I wanted her so badly, it was killing me inside, and I knew that it was going to be a risk, but I had to take it. As soon as my lips met her soft ones, I swore that everything else fell away. She was shocked, that much was expressed by the sound that came out. She had not been expecting it. I had been expecting it five seconds ago, but damn if it didn't feel right.
It wasn't the first time that we had kissed, but it was the first time that we had kissed after being apart for so long. It was the first time that we had kissed, and I was able to feel all the emotions that I let flow through me. How much difference a few years made,
Then it all came crashing down. Beatrice pushed me back and asked me what it was I was doing. I thought it was obvious, but it became clear that it was more a rhetorical question than anything else.
“I just got a job here. The last thing I need is to be caught kissing one of the firemen in the parking lot. I'm pretty sure I can be fired for that.”
I growled in response. “Great, now you got another reason to tell me no.” I sounded about as sullen as I felt.
I was still reeling from the contact between us, but Beatrice was not. She barely seemed moved by it, always so focused on everything else. She was always so worried about the contributing factors, and I didn't care about them. All I cared about was me and her, what was going on between us. Nothing else really mattered.
Before I could stop her, Beatrice was walking off, mumbling under her breath, and I'm not even sure what she said, but it sounded like she was taking issue with my timing.
I had not gotten the reaction I was hoping for. There had been a moment, an instant really, that she had succumbed to her desires and her body had molded against mine like we were longtime lovers. That was a reaction that I wanted to hold onto. The rest of it I was quickly going to push from my mind.
Then a sickening feeling came over me. What if she said something to Lester about it? All this time I'd been so worried about his feelings, but that didn't seem true now. I wasn’t trying to torch our friendship, but I would, just so I could have a chance with his sister. I’m sure that said a lot about me and none of it was good.
Either way she was gone, and I went back into the firehouse. Lester popped up seconds later and he must have been close enough that if he had been looking outside, he would have seen us kissing. He didn't know anything yet, or he would be saying something to me.
“So, what are you doing tonight?”
I shrugged. “I don't know. I don't have anything planned. What about you? Are you going to see Jamie?”
Lester said that he wasn’t, and I was like, “Oh, trouble in paradise?” He did not take kindly to it. It was apparently a sensitive subject and I felt bad that I had said anything. I was just desperate to talk about anything that didn't have to do with me or what I had just done with his sister. Guilt was already eating me up, and I’d always known that about myself. I was the type of kid in school that didn't do anything to get in trouble, not because I didn't want to, but because I was sure that I really couldn't. I had a knack for getting caught in lies, and it turned out for me it was just better to stay honest. Then I didn't have to worry about it.
“We should go out,” Lester decided.
I agreed that it sounded like a good plan, but I quickly wanted to take away those words when he told me that he had invited his sister to come along.
“Why would you invite her?” I asked quickly, in a tone that made Lester look at me funny.
“Do you not get along with Beatrice? I thought you did.”
It was one of those things where I couldn't say what I wanted to say. I told him that we got along just fine, but that I just didn't realize that they were close.
“We’re not, but I think she's having a hard time adjusting, and I should at least help her out a little bit.”
I found that hard to believe. Was she having a hard time? “Oh, I didn't know.”
“You haven't seen her?” Lester asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. I didn’t want him thinking anything was up.
“I saw her just now leaving. She looks different,” I said as blandly as possible. I didn’t even look at Lester, in fear that he would see right through me. I really wasn’t any good at lying. Never had been.
“Yeah, she does. She hasn't been the same since she got back, mom says. I don't know what happened in the city, but something happened there to change her. She’s not the same little sister who left.”
I had gotten the very short version of the story, an acronym more or less, but I couldn’t tell him what I had learned. He wouldn’t appreciate me lying to him. I wanted to help him understand better but knew that keeping my mouth shut was probably the best thing that I could do.
“You should probably just ask her what happened. You’re her big brother. She’d tell you I bet.”
He looked at me dutifully and I couldn't help but laugh. I knew the feeling well, Beatrice was intense. That intensity was even worse the way I'd been feeling about it lately.
Either way, we were all going out tonight, and I was going to have to find a way to pull myself together because I needed to. I was going to have Lester watching me, so whatever was going to happen, needed to look innocent to him. Problem was, there was nothing innocent about Beatrice. And after that kiss, all I could literally think about was all the bad things I wanted to do to her. If Lester found out anything running through my mind when it came to his sister, he would never forgive me again.
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