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I thought about it for an hour, until I just refused to make that my reality. How could something that felt so right, possibly be wrong? It didn't seem possible. I didn't want it to be possible.
The address that her aunt gave me took me to a cute little house and I just knew then that Kimberly was there. It was the sort of place that she would like, quiet and understated. Kimberly had always been understated, but probably not so quiet.
I pulled into the driveway and saw her car in front of me. Nothing sounded better than she was home and I would finally see her again after all this time.
I went to the door and knocked. I don’t know why, but I was so nervous to see her. We had not left on the best terms, and I can't say that she was going to be any happier to see me now than she was then.
Kimberly was not the type to look through the window in the door first. I suppose if she had, she wouldn't have answered. There was just shock on her face, and the first thing she asked me was what I was doing there. I went blank. What was I doing here?
“I've been looking everywhere for you, Kimberly. I needed to make sure that you were alright. You didn't answer your phone and I couldn't find you for weeks. I was worried when you disappeared and stopped coming to classes.”
“Did you worry that Chelsea had done something to me?”
That was a tough question. I had honestly thought that, but I thought that might be a problem to say out loud. When I sort of agreed that it had run through my mind, she came back with the fact that I wouldn’t have had to worry about that if I had gotten Chelsea arrested.
“Can I come in, or are we going to have this conversation right here?”
It occurred to me when she paused and was obviously making up her mind, that she could be there with somebody. I didn’t want to believe it, but we weren’t together. She could be with someone else by now. Why have I not thought about that before I drove all this way and stormed in? Fuck.
Kimberly moved back and let me in, although it was clear that she did not want me there. It was written all over her face. I don't know what kind of reception I had expected, but this wasn't it. Would it be that hard for her to actually want to see me?
“I have been worried about you.”
I was looking around the small house and it looked like she had just moved in. She hadn't been there long obviously; she had just left a week or two ago. Her aunt said that she came to visit her, so it hadn't been that long. When she asked me again what I was doing there, I had to pause and really think about it. What was my angle? I wanted her, I wanted to kiss her, and tell her that I needed her. It wasn't really a plan, but that's all I was interested in. I was here for her, the rest of it didn't really matter.
“I thought that you would eventually answer my phone calls.”
“I think we were at the end of our friendship. Don't you?”
I disagreed with her. I did not feel that way at all.
“No, we were not at the end of our relationship. We were just getting started and you ran away.”
“Because you told me about Chelsea. Did you really expect me to stay, knowing all of that?”
“Yeah, I kind of did. I wanted you to stay with me for a little while and I would keep you safe.”
She looked at me deadpan serious. “Getting her arrested would've kept me safe as well. It probably would've kept me safer than anything you would have done.”
“You do not mean that, do you?”
“Yes, I do. I don't know why you would want to let it go. I saw what they did to you. It was horrible.”
I remembered well enough what had happened to me and even so, I was still on the fence about it all. I had never really dealt with the police in that way and it certainly did not come naturally to me. There was also something that she didn't know about Chelsea, and I didn't even know if it would help the cause.
“I can't just go against Tommy. It would have to be Chelsea, and I just can't do that. I've known her for a long time and she's always been really good to me.”
“Why are you so adamant about this? I did not say that you have to do anything. That is your own choice, I am just not going to be around for it.”
Frustrated to no end, I leaned in closer and watched her back up like I was going to attack her. Maybe I was, but probably not in a way that she wouldn’t like.
We needed to connect and physically seemed to work better. It was all just words and that was too complicated. She had told me before that talking never did well for us and at this particular moment, I had to agree. It didn't feel like any kind of talking was going to help anything.
I leaned in to kiss her and that's all that mattered from that point on.
