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4
Dennis
Idon't know what had gotten into Kimberly, but I actually had to slow her down. I'd never seen her drink but a few sips of a beer at a party and even then, it didn't seem like something she was very fond of. Now, she was working on her third one and we hadn't even gotten to our destination yet. It was a destination that I had been so sure about, but now, things were suddenly taking a turn and when I said something about her slowing down, she said she was fine.
“I don't think you are, Kimberly. I think you've had enough.”
She didn’t want to hear it.
“What if I give you a kiss? Would you make me another one of those fruity drinks like the last one? That was really good.”
“I don't think you need anymore.”
“You won't even do it for a kiss?”
I'm not proud to say it, but for a moment, I almost agreed. There had been a couple of times where we had gotten close to a kiss, maybe even a peck, but it had never been the real kiss, like the one I imagined in my head. That one would be worth a little bit of guilt tomorrow. I would be okay with it; my conscience would have to just take a back seat. As long as I had her, I was alright with a little bit of sketchy grey area from time to time.
I found myself refusing her, though, telling her that she had enough and even though it killed me inside, I knew deep down that I had done the right thing. When we did finally kiss for the first time, like I knew we would, I wanted her to remember it just as well as I did. Why that was so important, I can't even really say.
I had a couple of drinks early in the evening to tame my nerves, but now I was the sober one of us. There was no way that we could go out to the fancy restaurant where I had made reservations. I had wanted it to be nice, really nice. I had even made sure to take the limo, just so I could impress her. It hadn't worked.
Kimberly was not taking me telling her no very gracefully, and she finally came to sit next to me. Before, she was literally as far as she could get. Now, though, she wanted something from me. How many times had I wanted her just like this, so open to everything? Now, though, I knew that her trying to press her lips against mine was not at all what I needed.
She leaned in toward me, like she was trying to give me a kiss, and I had to hold her back a little bit.
“I don't understand why you are acting like this. Are you really going to pretend like you don't want this? You think I can’t see the chub in your pants every time we are together? I bet if I felt your crotch, it would be there now.”
“You know that I want you. But you also know that I don't want you like this. I want our first time to be memorable. You aren’t going to remember none of this.”
“You take other girls like this. Why can't you have me the same way?”
She was killing me, really, she was. Didn't she understand that I was doing this to help her? I didn't find it that hard to understand it at all. Telling her no, pushing her away, was physical pain to my senses.
“Look, Kimberly, we were going to go out for something to eat, and I think you need to eat something just to sober you up, but we can't go out like this.”
“You don't want to go out with me like this? Am I not proper and perfect like your prudish Chelsea?”
I shook my head and told her that she wasn’t right. Why couldn’t she understand that Chelsea would never hold a candle to her?
Instantly, I felt regret for my actions. Before I could think straight, she was pulling back, and I knew that sobriety was going to come quickly. Maybe a bit too quickly.
“You're right. I don't know what came over me. Thank you for having the level head, Dennis. I slipped, but it won’t happen again.”
She tried to sit back, and I had to help her, which probably didn't help matters. She was not happy with me at all and certainly didn’t want to take any help that I had to offer. Having to do so was really bothering her.
“You know that I want you, right?”
“Yes, but obviously you don't want me enough or we would be together.”
I just shook my head. This was all stemming from her wanting to give me a kiss for a drink. The way looked at me now made me realize that I should have done that instead. Then, I wouldn't have killed the mood, and she had been in a jovial one until now. It felt like I had made a big mistake.
I told the driver to turn around. I didn't even know if we were going to be able to go anywhere tonight, not the way things were going. I was afraid that I’d spoiled it all. I really wanted to go back to about ten minutes ago, before my chivalry got me in trouble.
“Where are we going?”
“I thought maybe we could go to one of my parents’ houses. It would be quiet, and we could have that conversation that I think we need to have. You know, get some things out in the open.”
“I don't think we need to talk about anything. We don't have to go to your parents’ house. We can just go back to my dorm. You can just drop me off. I'm sure you have other things you would like to do tonight.”
