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I would be forever grateful to God for the intentionality Hosea possessed. He was doing everything he could to increase my happiness, and I hated the thought of leaving him more and more.
“You always know just what I need,” I said, looking at the flowers that were waiting for me in our suite when we made it back home. “I appreciate these flowers just as much as the trip. Thank you, Zay.”
“Always.”
He dropped a quick kiss to my lips before saying, “I’ve got a bit of work to catch up on over the next few days, so I want to spend the night with you if that’s okay.”
I couldn’t stop my smile from spreading. I loved that quality time was his love language. He could never get enough of me, and I wanted to be so close to him, I wished I could slip under his skin. If it were anyone else, I’d want a break after spending so much time together, but with Hosea? I wanted to treasure every second I had with him.
“I love the sound of that. If Ava has the schedule locked in fully, I’ll find something else to get into so I can get out the house.”
“Have you given any thought to seeing your family?”
My mouth twisted to the side as I shook my head. Hosea gripped my waist and lifted me, placing me on top of the counter. I wanted to see my grandparents, but then they’d tell my mom I came to visit, and she would feel some type of way if I didn’t see her. When I first came to Memphis, I made it clear to my family that because of what was going on, I simply didn’t want to be around anyone. As time progressed, I felt more and more like myself. Safer and safer in my city. I had been missing my family while I was gone, but now that I had the chance to see them, I wasn’t sure I wanted to take it.
“Talk to me,” he demanded with a firm yet gentle tone.
“I want to see my family, but I’m nervous about how things will be with me and my mom.”
“Y’all still have tension?”
I nodded. “Yeah. It’s more so me than her. Resentment that creates tension. She tries to mother me and it always irritates me because I’m a grown ass woman. When I needed her to mother me, she couldn’t. I had to get that from my grandmother. So every time she tries to give me advice or question me about anything, I shut down to avoid saying the wrong thing.”
“Tink, it’s clear you’re hurt behind the lack of your mother’s presence as a child.”
“I know,” I whined, holding my head down, but he lifted it and said, “Keep your head up. You’re a queen.”
I released a weighted breath as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I know I can’t stay in this bubble you’ve created for me here, but…” With a shrug, I spread my legs wider, and he stepped inside. I inhaled a deep whiff of his intoxicating scent, body relaxing instantly. “I just don’t want to be around anyone that’s going to make me vibrate less than I do when I’m with you and our friends.”
“I can respect that. It’s common to want to protect yourself and your peace, no matter what. But what I will say is the true test of strength and emotional intelligence is to be in those environments that you can’t control yet still have the power to control yourself and how you feel. You owe it to yourself to work through the issues you have with your mother. I think more than anything, you want a normal, healthy relationship with her. Healing will help you do that. She might not have been there like you wanted then, but if she can be now, let her, Tink.”
He was right—Iwantedto have a real relationship with my mother. I just didn’t know how. I didn’t feel like I knew her. Besides the facts about my mother, I didn’t know those personal, intimate details that made us familiar. She was my closest relative, and I wasn’t sure we would be able to relate.
What was her favorite color? Food? Show? How did she like to spend her free time now? Was she dating anyone? I had no earthly idea.
“I’ll think about it,” was all I could say.
“That’s all I ask.”
Hosea took my bags to my room before going to his room to unpack. I was tired from the travel and would probably ask if we could just lounge around in bed and order in for the night. Along with physical exhaustion, I was now mentally jaded, too. He’d placed my mother on my heart, and I didn’t know what it was going to take to get her off.
Twenty-Two
Hosea
“You listen so well.”
My mind went back to images of Cartier from our session earlier. It was my first time having her in the playroom, and she was exceptional. To establish deeper trust in exchange for reward, we did feather play before I stripped her senses to provide maximum pleasure.
First, I blindfolded her and restrained her by her wrists and ankles on the X on my wall. I ate her pussy and toyed with it until her cum was literally dripping down her legs. Then, I put her on the bed and removed the blindfold. There was a mirror directly above it, allowing her to see me stroke my dick as I lay next to her. She had on headphones, so she couldn’t hear the moans that poured from my mouth. Just the sight and my expressions aroused her so much she started playing with her own pussy before straddling me and yanking the headphones off.
“You listen so well,” I told her as she slid down onto me.
I wasn’t sure how long it was going to take for her to make her move, but I was glad when she finally did. It wasn’t just about commands and instruction; it was also about being in sync and going with the flow. I felt like we were playing a dangerous game, and the stakes were even higher now that we were having sex. But Cartier was worth the risk—I was one hundred percent sure of that.
* * *
“Uh oh,” Cartier grumbled, staring at her ringing phone.
