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She released a hard sigh and looked out of the window. “I’m going to force myself to be comfortable with it, whether I am or not.”
“I’ll be there with you, Cartier. You’re going to be okay.” She nodded, but remained silent. “I don’t feel like that’s the reason you’re upset.”
“If they catch him soon, he’ll be arrested, then I’ll have to go back home.”
Tugging my bottom lip between my teeth, I had to resist the urge to pull her over onto my lap. It warmed my heart to hear her devastation over leaving Memphis. Leaving me. I felt the same way, too, and it felt damn good to know we were on the same wave. Regardless of if we had a title and were in a committed relationship or not, our bond was beautiful, and it appeared to be shifting into a phase that would make it impenetrable.
“Look at me.”
Cartier slowly turned her head in my direction, and her pout made me smile.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. And if you keep saying shit like that, you’re going to fuck around and force me to do whatever it takes to make you want to stay here.”
“Hosea…” She chuckled nervously as her head shook. “What I have with you is a fairytale. It wouldn’t stay like this when I return to normal life.”
“Everything that I’ve been doing for and with you is normal. What would make it change?”
“Men always change,” she grumbled, pulling her eyes away again. “If I stayed here, started working somewhere else and moved into my own place, I’m pretty sure six months or even a year down the line things would change between us. You’d get tired of me and stop treating me as well as you do. You won’t be so intentional and thoughtful. So romantic and kind. So freaky, and only mine.”
“I can respect the fact that that’s what you’ve experienced with other partners, but that’s not me.”
I could have given more to try to get her to trust me, but only my actions would show that I was worthy of her trust. I thought that was what we’d been doing since she first got here, but maybe that trust only applied to her body physically. Maybe I hadn’t shown her she could trust me with her heart the way she said she believed she could.
“I know.” Cartier gave me her eyes again. “I’m projecting, and for that, I apologize.”
“Apology accepted. Do you want to talk about what’s really bothering you?”
“I made plans to see my mom this weekend, and it’s making me think about my dad. Him not being there. How I’ve dated men with inconsistency issues because of it. How I attached myself way too quickly to Raven because he seemed safe. How a part of me feels like I’m going to continue this cycle until I release my pain.” She sighed. “I know you’re not like that, Hosea. I just… need some time to process everything I’m thinking and feeling before I see my mother.”
“Do you have the tools to handle that?”
Finally… she gave me a smile. “Yeah. I guess I can finally put my degree to use on myself. I’ll be okay. Please don’t worry about me.”
“I’ll always worry about you, Cartier. I…” Before I could tell her I loved her, it felt like my throat was about to close. I wrapped my hand around my neck, surprised by how dry it and my mouth felt.
“Are you okay?” she asked, patting my back as I coughed.
My body physically rejected my attempt to tell a woman I loved her, and I knew that was nothing but a defense mechanism because of what happened with Mariah. I couldn’t trip over Cartier needing to work through her issues because I had mine, too.
“Yeah, I’m good. I, uh… I care about you.”
“I care about you, too,” Cartier declared before giving me a kiss on the cheek. Tilting her head slightly, she covered my lips with hers. I had to remind myself that we agreed we weren’t ready for a relationship. That if Cartier left, it would be for the best. I couldn’t stomach the thought of a relationship not working between us because we wouldn’t be able to go back to being just friends. Had we already crossed that line?
* * *
“Look at you,” I said, unable to take my eyes off Cartier as we walked up the driveway. “You look beautiful, Tink. You’re absolutely stunning.”
I wasn’t going to ask her to join me for dinner with my family, especially knowing hers caused her shifting mood. When we made it back to the suite, I asked her if she wanted a room for herself so she could focus and realign, and Cartier agreed. Since the suite next to mine was open, I had Aaliyah reserve it for her. She said she would only need it for three days, but I had Aaliyah block it off the site for a full week to be safe.
Once I had all of her things in the suite, I let her know my plans for the evening, and she asked if she could come. I told her my mom wanted her to come anyway, but I wasn’t sure if she’d be down, and Cartier was excited to come. When she said she could be ready in an hour, I honestly didn’t believe her, but she’d gotten ready in forty-five minutes, which was a record for her.
Her makeup was light and natural, and her hair was in the loose curls I loved. She was dressed in a cream pants suit that had me wanting to rip it off the moment I saw her in it. I loved Cartier in just about anything… but the tailor-made suit had me wanting to take her back to my playroom.
“You can’t be looking at me like this when we get inside,” she said bashfully.
“Looking at you like what?”
“Like you want to eat me instead of the meal.”
