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My eyes flicker down between us, watching his big, powerful arm flex as he moves his hand inside my shorts. Being able to feel what I’m watching as he drags his fingers slowly out of me and then quickly thrusts them roughly back inside has my entire body shaking against him while he continues driving me crazy with his words.
“You want to know what gets me off every time I’ve got my dick in my hand, thinking about you?” His fingertips coated in my wetness start swirling around my clit again, achingly slow, only sliding them around with every couple of words.
“Every time I see you…”
Circle, circle.
“Every time I smell your skin…”
Circle, circle.
“Every time I hear you laugh…”
Circle, circle.
“Even when I’m thousands of miles away from you, I’m dreaming about getting inside you.”
Circle, circle. And then comes the sweet relief of him filling me with those long, thick fingers again until I have to squeeze my eyes closed and my head thumps back against the wall behind me. Ford crowds me against the wall even harder with his chest, until there’s no room for me to move, nowhere for me to go, nothing for me to do but sink even deeper into the pleasure he’s giving me.
“I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. All I can think about is how tight this pussy will squeeze me, how deep I can go, and how hard you’ll let me give it to you until you’re so drunk on my cock you can’t think straight. You want that, baby? Just say the word, and I’ll give you everything. I’ll always give you everything.”
I’m not going to survive this. There’s no way I’m going to survive what he’s doing to me.
Ford starts shallowly pumping his fingers in and out of me, and I completely forget who I am and where I am, until nothing is filling my head but him.
This man isn’t just going to murder my vagina; he’s going to destroy my entire being. The complete devastation Ford wreaks on me is something I know I’ll never recover from. My head, my chest, my heart, my lungs, my legs… every cell in my body, and even the hair on my head feels like it’s on fire, tingling and burning into ash with how hot I am and how much I want him. How much I wantthis. This perfect moment where he says all the right things and touches me in all the right ways, like no one ever has nor ever will again.
Tingles run up my spine, and heat spreads through my core when he brings his fingers back to my clit, pushing, sliding, and circling until my thighs start shaking and my release is so close I can taste it, need it,want it.
“Yes, yes,oh God.”
His teeth bite and nip at the side of my neck, dragging his tongue along my skin as he pushes his fingers into me deeper, holding them there while his thumb swirls around and around my clit.
“Nope, not God.” Ford’s gruff, raspy voice fills my ear. “You usemyname when I’m the one filling this sweet pussy with my fingers, making you feel good. I’ve been waiting six years to hear you say my name when you come. Give me what I need, baby. Give me something real to think about the next time I’m jerking off.”
My orgasm explodes out of me so quickly it takes all the air in my lungs with it. There’s nothing I can do but shout Ford’s name when I finally remember how to breathe again, clinging to him as tightly as I can while his fingers pull every last drop of this orgasm out of me. Sinking my hands back into his hair, I yank his mouth back to mine, my body shaking and shuddering against him through my release as he returns my kiss hungrily.
As soon as I come back from whatever planet Ford just sent me to, both of his arms are suddenly tight around my body… so tight, holding me close like he can’t bear to have even a sliver of space between us. My heart starts bouncing around in my chest as my body comes down from its high while he kisses me and kisses me, slowing it down until it’s so achingly soft and sweet I don’t know how I’m still able to breathe. He stops just long enough to grab my face in his hands and pepper more kisses all over my cheeks and forehead.
“You’ve ruined me.Goddamn… so perfect, so fucking beautiful. Tell me I fixed it, baby.”
His words are filled with a desperation I’ve never heard from this big, strong man before. It makes my eyes sting and my throat get tight until I feel like I’m choking with the need to say something to him,anything, but nothing feels significant enough to convey every thought that’s overwhelming me right now. Like how easy it was for us to just race right over that friendship line and how right it felt.
Ford’s mouth makes its way back to mine without giving me a chance to answer, andhe’sso perfect I can’t think straight. He’s always been perfect to me since the day I met him. No questions asked, he just bailed a stranger out of jail and let me talk his ear off while I made him walk twelve blocks out of our way, just so I could feel that little flop in my stomach a few more times when the corner of his mouth would tip up for a brief second at whatever ridiculous story I was telling him. It’s why it’s always been so hard when he leaves. I miss his friendship, I need his strength, I crave his comfort, and I want his rare smiles to be all for me. I’m so desperate to have him in my life for more than one month a year I can’t think straight.
I don’t just want this moment for today, or tomorrow, or for the next few weeks he’s here. I want it forever. I want to roofie my cousin and my sister after dinner and get an orgasm from Ford for dessert. I want to have him bail me out of jail on Sunday and wake up next to him in bed on Monday. I don’t just want a fling; I want everything.
This realization makes it feel like someone just reached inside my chest and started squeezing. Harder and harder, until I can’t breathe. Stuck me into a tiny room and locked the door, with the walls closing in until they’re crushing me. Even with Ford making me feel safe and cared for like always, and even though deep down I know he would never do anything to hurt me, the panic and the fear I’ve been living with for eight years rears its ugly head. The pain in my chest hurts so much I’d be doubled over if Ford wasn’t still holding me up, with his body pressing mine into the wall behind me, his hands still cupping my face as he kisses me.
I understand flings. I understand the rules, and I know how it’s going to end. Feelings aren’t involved, and hearts aren’t involved, and no one gets hurt or confused. There’s nothing messy aside from the walk of shame the next morning. I don’t understand the feelings overwhelming me right now. I don’t understand this need inside me for something I can’t want and shouldn’t want.
My mouth is burning with the need to open it and beg him to stay, to not leave me when November 1st gets here, but my brain is flipping through every Tanner rule that’s been preached to me for eight years andwhy.
Instead of telling Ford to give me a minute so I can breathe and rearrange my thoughts so they aren’t so filled with fear, and instead of remembering I’m not the only one who could possibly be hurt in this situation, I let the panic win. I surround myself with the comfort of the carefree, no-strings-attached girl, because I understand her. And I say the first stupid thing that comes to my mind as I pull back from his kiss and start reaching for the button on his jeans, wanting to lighten the moment so it doesn’t feel so heavy in my chest.
“Your turn. This fling was an excellent idea.”
Like someone just flipped a switch, Ford completely shuts down, and a chill runs up my spine. The unabashed want and need on his face immediately disappear right before me, and when I think anger is going to replace it, there’s nothing but disappointment in his eyes.
