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“I do.”
“Okay.” It didn’t sound like she believed me, but she didn’t have to. I would believe for both of us, and eventually, she would believe it too.
“I had a plan for tonight,” I said mildly. “But I’m not sure it’s a good idea now.”
“What kind of plan?”
“Well…” I shifted her so she was more upright, straddling my lap, the skirt of her dress poofing over both of us. “I’d planned to sweep you off your feet after our first public experience as a couple. But if you’re not up for it now, that’s all right.”
“No.” She moved, reaching up and curling her arms around my neck. “I’m up for that. I’m very up for that.”
Her lips met mine, and I pulled her back gently. “There’s a little more.”
“Oh?” She looked more mischievous than sad, and I would take it. I just hoped the rest of the conversation would go as well.
“I’d already planned on talking about this with you before everything happened. I know it’s not ideal now, but I can’t put it off anymore.”
Lena’s face fell. “Please don’t tell me this is bad news.”
I kissed her lightly. “I don’t think so.”
“Okay… Still sounds a little ominous.”
“Not ominous. Just a part of myself I don’t want to hide from you.”
There was still tension in her body—I felt it under my hands, and I tried to soothe it, running my palms up her ribs. I found it was harder than it should be to speak it out loud. The old fear that she’d look at me with disgust and run popped up, but I knew better. At the very least, she’d listen.
“In the bedroom, I like to be in control.”
Lena searched my face and waited. “Is that it?”
I laughed once. “It’s the main part of it, yes. But I want to explain it.”
“I’m listening.” Nothing about her seemed angry or disgusted. Yet.
“Even before I went into those caves, I felt the need to dominate. Taking control in that way—it might sound strange, but it gives me more satisfaction than I can describe. And now, after everything, I always crave control. But especially in the bedroom.
“Unexpected touches can send me into flashbacks. It makes it easier when I control who touches me and when. It’s why my house is out in the middle of nowhere. I control who’s there and in what capacity.”
“I touch you all the time.” She frowned. “Have I ever…caused that to happen?”
I winced. “Once. When you kissed me in the kitchen.”
Her lips fell open in shock, and all I could think about was how adorable the expression was. “I’m so sorry.”
“How could you have known, when I didn’t tell you? And I’m the one who could have handled it better. But this…my need for control is another one of the reasons I stayed away from you for so long. I didn’t think you’d want any part of it.”
She bit her lip and dropped her eyes, and down low, hope sprang to life inside me. “Maybe I shouldn’t say anything, but a while ago, Cori said some things that made me…curious. And there’ve been a couple times when you made me curious. Like when you pushed me up against the door when you dropped me off.” She blushed furiously. “You really thought this would make me not want you?”
“It’s happened before.”
Anger flared in her eyes. “When?”
I smiled at her reaction. Not because it was funny, but because her immediate instinct to protect me was endearing. “A long time ago. Before I met you.” I brushed her hair back. “It’s only been you since we met.”
“Good.”
“So, what do you say?”
