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I tap on the username to see the profile and my brow wrinkles. There’s a thin bio, but the name says Devlin Murphy. His precious red car is in the first three posts. I go back to the message he sent me.
@DeviousDev: [eyes emoji].
That’s the only explanation he gives, along with a post by another account. When I go to it, my heart plummets off a cliff edge.
Marissa’s account.
Got my man back, bitches.
I watch the video clip three times. Each time Lucas kisses Marissa’s stomach, my own twines into a tighter knot.
Take it in. Then pick yourself up.
I repeat my trusty mantra that got me through worse. The desired effect is lagging, like a magic spell that’s run out of power.
I get dressed and curl up on my bed, an emptiness settled in my chest.
What did I expect?
Lucas is a cocky football player who swaggers around the school like the resident king.
He’s not the guy with bigger dreams than people think he’s capable of. He’s not the guy that took care of me when I was freaked out and alone in the rain. He’s not the same one that kissed me like I meant the world to him.
No. All of that was the world’s oldest lie. One I fell for when I knew better.
As I lay there, I can’t stir much anger at Marissa for going after what she wants. At least she’s honest about it. She’s been upfront this whole time that she planned to take Lucas back. Lucas is the one that lied to me and the one running straight to her.
Letting my guard down around Lucas was the wrong choice. Now I know not to make that mistake again.
Marissa and the rest of the school can have their self-important savior. I’ve had enough.
I’ll protect myself the only way I’ve learned how. I’ll stay safe on the other side of a camera lens. Getting involved means missing the bigger picture. It’s only led to hurt and betrayal.
* * *
School sucks for a few days. The people that once labeled me a prude because I was angry about Lucas stealing my first kiss now have an active rumor mill to prove what a slut I am with the circulation of the selfie Lucas sent Carter.
Cute double standard, isn’t it?
They’re all absolute idiots.
Their bullshit isn’t what gets to me. It’s the twinge in my chest when I see Lucas in the halls.
Even when I’ve resolved to be strong, it’s easier said than done. Controlling the longing call my heart gives when I see him is impossible.
My rotten heart hasn’t accepted moving on from Lucas. Riotous little bastard.
Unfortunately, I have to endure it for the rest of the week. The snow that fell soon melted as the weather warmed. No snow days to get a minute’s peace from Lucas. He glances my way, but as soon as he sees me a gate slams over his face, keeping me out of his true thoughts. Lucas sets his jaw, returning his attention to goofing around with Devlin and Connor.
I guess he didn’t want to talk to me that badly. It was a gallant effort on his part to pretend for five minutes he was a decent human. It seems I was right to block his number.
The only upside is watching from afar as Lucas gives Carter the cold shoulder.
* * *
At home I can pretend everything’s okay. Mom and Dad rope Alec and I into some Netflix original, a murder mystery that has all of us glued to the TV after dinner. When they both fall asleep on the couch, Alec and I head upstairs to go to our rooms.
“Hey.” Alec pauses outside his door. He picks at the doorjamb. “Wait a sec.”
