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“It wasn’t.” Sighing, I drop his hand. “I really can’t do this right now.”
“Look, we’ll start over at the beginning.” He holds up the file. “You have to listen.”
It’s too much to handle with Connor pressuring me to face a truth I can’t cope with. I run my fingers through my hair and swallow past the searing heat in my throat. “Please. I can’t.”
“Thea, listen to me.” He drops the file on the bed. “Let me explain.”
“No! You should’ve told me right away instead of this. I thought we told each other everything.” I’m near a breaking point, lashing out to protect myself from what I can’t look at directly. It crushes me to see the disappointment on his face. My chest heaves and my voice grows small. “I thought we were past the lies and games.”
“It’s not like you told me about this, either!” As soon as he says it, he jerks his head, holding a hand out to me. “Fuck, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. All of it was to protect you from Coleman. This isn’t what I wanted, baby.”
Connor takes my hand as I rush toward the door. I tug free from his grip.
“Don’t leave.”
“I need to go. I just want to go lay down. I’m supposed to meet Maisy at the holiday market later. I came here to invite you, but…I think it’s best if we both cool off. I need time and space to process this.”
“Thea, please.” He captures me in his arms and spins me around. “I’m sorry I ambushed you like this.”
I lean back against the door. Everything feels too confusing. “You hurt me with your lie.”
He releases a ragged breath, gray eyes filled with the same anguish plaguing me. “I never want to hurt you. Ever.”
Despite the disappointment and anger, for a second I stay in his arms. A lump forms in my throat. I can’t turn off the love I feel for him. I allow the safety of his strong embrace to be the balm I need.
“Let me go. We’ll talk later. I just need to go be alone for a while. I’ll think about what you said.”
Connor’s arms tighten around me before he steps back. We stare at each other for a beat, then I turn the knob.
“Wait,” he says. “Here, take this with you.” He pushes the thick file into my hands. “Look at it and call me when you’re ready to talk.” Taking my chin in his thumb and finger, he stares into my eyes. “I’m sorry I kept this from you. I’m sorry for hacking your computer, for everything. We’ll do this together, like we should’ve from the start.”
“Fine. But I need time.” I pause on the threshold, glancing back. “Please don’t do anything reckless.”
The sight of Connor watching me walk away from him, face etched with the suppressed rage he battles against sears into my brain.
It’s only once I make it inside my house and step under the blistering spray of hot water in the shower that I let the tears free.
Thirty-Four
Thea
A week that started off with an amazing night in the mountains has turned into the hardest of my life. I had an aunt that lost her life too young. My boyfriend’s mom cares more about her political career and image than her son’s happiness. My boyfriend admitted he spied on me.
And the accusation of something even worse. Someone stalking and grooming me for years.
Victim.
The word causes my chest to cave. Crying in the shower hasn’t made my fear of the word fade. Or what I’m blocking behind brick walls in my mind. They’re cracking fast, crumbling to dust no matter how much I want to keep hiding from it.
The only thing the shower helped me see clearly was that I shouldn’t have lashed out at Connor. I was putting all the blame on him because I was so scared to face questions I’ve asked myself about Henry.
It hurts that Connor spied on me, but as I pick through the denial with a clearer head, I see the real problem is Henry. What he really was. What he did.
I don’t think I can stress bake my way out of this one.
Once the initial anger faded, burning off fast, I understood I was scared in the pool house. Afraid to face the truth beneath the surface all these years.
Some part of me knew it wasn’t right, but I always pushed it aside. Now the burn of pain and humiliation is blistering. It’s something that could happen to anyone, but I never thought it would be me.
