AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I tried to imagine what she was thinking as she held her hands folded against her mouth. I tried to read her mind, tried to hear the vile things she thought of me in this very moment.
It was driving me crazy, not knowing and only speculating. My skin prickled and buzzed with anxiety as I felt the need to run away from her and my sad, uneaten sandwich.
God, I wish she'd just say something, I thought, and thenshereadmymind.
“I wish I could say I'm surprised,” she finally said, dropping her folded hands to the table. “But I'm really not.”
I supposed when I really thought about it, I couldn't say I was either.
“I'm actually wondering if you’d planned it,” she gently accused.
Shaking my head adamantly, I replied, “No. Absolutely not.”
“Are you sure about that?”
I gawked at her, hurt that she could suspect me of doing such a thing. “How could you honestly think that?”
“I don't,” she replied easily, shrugging. “I just know that, sometimes, it's easier to end things than make a difficult decision. You've never been great at making decisions, and by cheating on Peter, you gave him no choice but to break up with you.”
“He could've chosen to make it work,” I spat at her, defending myself when nobody else would. “But he chosenotto.”
“Okay,” she conceded, nodding slowly. Then, she asked, “Well then, answer this for me. Would youwantto work things out with him?”
“Sure,” I said, answering too quickly for it to be the whole truth.
Judging by the cluck of her tongue and a long-winded sigh, Mom didn't seem to buy it either.
What the helldoI want?
Moments passed before either of us spoke—my eyes on my shitty sandwich and her hands once again pressed quietly to her mouth while the wheels in her head spun noisily.
This wasn't how I’d expected any of this to go; I never thought my own parents would be mad at me. No, I wasn't anticipating their approval—of course not. But I thought there would be a healthy mix of disappointment and concern for my own heart. I thought there would be more loyalty toward their daughter and not so much toward a man who’d only been in their lives for a few months.
I hadn’t expected to be treated like the villain, no matter how wrong I was.
“It's too bad,” Mom finally said with a conclusive sigh. “I liked Peter a lot.”
“It might not be over,” I offered weakly even if we both knew what a load of bullshit that was. “He could choose to forgive me after some time goes by.”
“Maybe,” she replied. “But I think we both know that's not what you want.”
I snorted a short, bitter laugh before uttering the words I'd had on repeat for the past twelve hours. “I don't know what I want anymore.”
Mom reached out, touching my arm with the love and reluctant acceptance I'd been waiting for. She offered a wary smile but said nothing else, and that was fine.
Besides, what else was there to say?
***
It was the first Saturday after I had destroyed everything I had thought I wanted.
Saturdays with Peter had consisted of lazy mornings in bed, a leisurely walk around his condominium complex, and Chinese takeout. Occasionally, we'd meet up with his parents for dessert at their favorite coffee shop in Sayville. Other times, we'd sit on my parents' couch and watch a movie or play an infuriating game of Monopoly.
But Saturday nights with Peter always ended with us tangled in his sheets, having bland, albeit satisfying, sex. And despite it always feeling penciled in and routine, I missed it.
I couldn't say I missed everything about our relationship. I didn't miss his jealousy or how regimented he was. I didn't miss the way he snored louder than a freight train or that he could never put the cap on the toothpaste. But I missed his smile, company, and voice.
Most of all, I missed our Saturdays.
