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Again, he looked like he wanted to say more but stopped himself. I wanted to yell at him to speak, to be honest about anything he might be feeling. But it wouldn’t do any good. Not with this strong, silent man. Whatever he was holding back, he’d tell me in time.
Now, at least, I’d been able to learn more about what he was like, his personality, his hang-ups. And I was happy to find out that he wasn’t as much of a loner as I’d first thought. In fact, he could be an incredibly sweet man, and I was a lucky wolf to have him.
* * *
Lucian
Icouldn’t tell Natalie the truth.
“Hey, Lucian!”
Three centaurs walked across the path, greeting me in their language, and I responded in kind, putting my fist over my heart. After studying the various species’ languages for centuries, I could understand most creatures I came across in this realm.
I was finally heading home. I’d spent the evening with Natalie until Rehema had arrived. But as nice as it had been to spend time with her, my self-loathing about the things I was hiding from her robbed me of the happiness I should be feeling.
Rumir hadn’t told her what he’d discovered, that was clear. If he had, she would have said something to me. That meant I still had the opportunity to beat him to the punch and tell Natalie the truth myself. But as we’d sat on the steps outside her house, each time I tried, the words became trapped inside my mouth.
I no longer wanted our bond to be severed, but I was still battling demons. When I saw her pass out at the ball, I felt as if my world was ending. And I never, never wanted to feel that way again.
My intentions had been good in the beginning, wanting to end our bond for her safety, but they wouldn’t be interpreted as such.
I placed my hand on my chest, touching the ring hidden there. I’d only experienced love once before, back when I was on Earth. And it had almost destroyed me.
She’d been a kind wolf, a brave and true warrior.
I looked down at the hand on my chest and saw blood, the blood of the woman who’d taught me so much. I closed my eyes, shutting the memories out. She’d deserved so much more than what she’d gotten. She deserved to be in the God Realm, not me.
Natalie reminded me so much of her—she was also intuitive, kind, and caring. And like my lost love, Natalie, too, had been bitten by a vampire. But Natalie had died before completely turning, whereas my old love Otsana had died after being turned. And it had been my fault.
My actions had led to her pain. And in the end, I’d been the one to take her life to end that pain.
How could I possibly explain my past to Natalie? How would I begin to explain that I wanted her more than anything, that just seeing her made me ache, but that I didn’t trust myself? How could I tell her that I’d had to take the life of one woman I loved and I never wanted to be in that position again? It would kill me.
Even so, I’d realized that I didn’t want to be without Natalie. I didn’t want to go back to what it was like without her. Being alone had been fine, but my life, as conflicted as I was, was better with her in it.
I was a fool to ever think I could go back to being alone.
Now I just needed to find a way to explain the things in my past that weighed on me. Because now, they were going to weigh on her, too.
* * *
Natalie
Afew days passed before I had the nerve to leave my house. I was sure to get odd stares from anyone who had been at the ball, and if I ran into any wolves, they'd probably ask questions about my vision, not to mention my crazy love life, that I wouldn't be able to answer.
Today, however, I woke up and decided I'd been hiding for long enough. So instead of staying locked away at home, I’d visit Ruby and Axel at the Soul Recovery Facility. They were the only ones I felt that could give me advice—after all, Ruby had had two mates as well—but they were still asleep, and nobody knew when they’d wake.
At the facility, souls were cleansed and prepared for life in this realm. The more damage a soul and their spirit sustained from their life experiences, the longer it would take for the soul to wake.
There was a glass wall separating me from them, but even being this close was comforting in a way. I'd been watching them for almost an hour, enjoying the sense of tranquility in this place, the silence that felt like a warm hug.
They were lying side-by-side in separate beds. Ruby’s long red hair had grown to her hip, and Axel’s black hair fell to his chest. They looked at peace, and a part of me envied that. Because I felt like a mess.
It seemed as if ages had passed since I’d last spoken to them. I cleared my throat, feeling myself growing emotional. On Earth, Ruby and I had become so close. She’d been the one to end my life before I could turn into a rabid monster like the mindless vampire who’d taken my life. I could still feel his sharp fangs piercing my throat even now as I thought about it. I’d begged her to end my life before I became one of them, and though I could see the pain in her eyes at the mere suggestion, she’d done it out of love. And yet now, because of me, she was here—without one of her mates.
I wasn’t looking forward to facing her, but I knew I’d have to, eventually. I only hoped the Goddess would wake up soon and rectify this injustice.
I closed my eyes for a moment.
