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On one hand, I felt guilty for kissing Griffin. Cassian was in the other room, and I should’ve considered that he could walk in at any second. But then Griffin opened his heart to me, in a way I knew he never had to anyone else, and I got swept up in the moment.
I’m only a college student—cut me some slack. I’ve never been through this “two mates” thing before, and apparently, neither has anyone else. Whether it’s the bond, my wolf finally emerging, or my heart, my feelings for them are intense and all over the place. I want to console and pummel one or both of them at the moment. We’re treading dangerous waters here, and no matter which way we go, the path seems to be murky and waiting to swallow us whole.
So yeah, part of my anger was fueled by the guilt I’d felt. But on the other hand, the other part of my anger was based on Cassian’s reaction. I mean, I understood the jealousy, but damn. I didn’t want to feel guilty. Griffin was my mate, and if we were any other mated couple, there wouldn’t be this hesitation on the physical aspect.
Although, Cassian was my mate, too. And my best friend. I didn’t want to hurt him. I’d been waiting for years to be something more than his friend, sitting patiently on the sidelines. I never realized he had, too. And now that we had the possibility of something more, I didn’t want to ruin it.
But why did he have to react like that? It was like his wolf was coming out, and not only was it dangerous, I didn’t like how possessive he’d become. Don’t get me wrong, having a guy claim you as his own was sexy, but not when he restricted the choices you could make. Not when he reacted in violence to things he didn’t like.
I know it was just the mating bond. Cassian would never resort to violence unless it were necessary. Even after the attack on his pack, he’d kept his calm and hadn’t sought retribution in a violent attack of his own. Maybe he would eventually, but it would be a calculated attack and not one based on impulse. Yet, the way he reacted to Griffin and me kissing was like an atomic meltdown.
How could I honestly have believed the three of us could be some kind of mated trio? Like we could actually get along and still be friends while also being more. Stupid. That’s what I was.
Griffin rested on the couch, his fever returning with a vengeance. He’d spent most of the time sleeping, which I was more than okay with. It gave me time to think, undisturbed, without distraction. When he woke up, I made him another drink with what I could, putting a healing spell on the mug.
“Thanks,” he said wearily, sipping the mug much slower than the first time. He looked at me, a lazy smile on his face. “I’m glad you’re here. I wish it were under better circumstances, but I’m happy nonetheless.”
“Me, too.” And I was. Being in the presence of my mate made me feel calm. If only my other mate didn’t give me so much turmoil to sort through.
Something about that whole encounter made me feel the bond… stronger than I had before. I’m not sure why, but it was like it was more present, more gripping, after that morning. The weird thing was that this aggression in me, this animalistic side, grew stronger, as well. It was as if my own wolf was beginning to surface, and it scared the hell out of me.
But this newfound wolf side was conflicted between the calm of having one mate within reach while also feeling the anxious tug of my other mate’s absence.
Griffin reached out for my hand, and I allowed him this comfort because I needed it, too. We sat like that, holding hands from separate chairs, for several minutes, letting our fingers explore each other, before a knock on the door interrupted our peaceful silence.
I dipped my head, already over whoever was at the door. I dragged my feet to answer it and was met with a surprised expression.
“Emily?” Morgan said, forcing a toothy smile as she walked into the apartment. “I’m surprised to see you here.”
Griffin’s head popped up over the couch. “Hey, Mor. Emily’s going to be staying here for a while. Until Cassian cools down.”
She walked past me and sat on the couch next to Griffin, making him raise his legs and place them on her lap.
Jealousy rolled through me with such vigor, I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from reacting. See, Cassian? This is how you control your jealousy. Though, a part of me wanted to snap the little twit in half for sitting so comfortably with Griffin. Did I recognize the fact that those very thoughts were hypocritical, considering I was just scolding Cassian for reacting the same way? I did, but Morgan wasn’t Griffin’s mate. She was just a delusional woman who thought Griffin could love her.
On some level, it broke my heart because I didn’t want Morgan to feel the heartache of not being with the person she loved. Hell, it crushed me to think about losing Cassian or Griffin—I didn’t want her to experience that pain. But Griffin was my mate, so sorry Morgan, but you’re going to have to find another fish in this sea.
Griffin pulled his legs from Morgan’s lap and sat up, grabbing his mug. A panicked expression crossed her face, but only for a glimpse before she returned to appearing unphased.
“I’ll make you an herbal drink to help with your fever,” she offered, sporting a large grin.
Though, it was lost when Griffin held up his mug and said, “Emily already made me one. But thanks, anyway.”
Morgan’s smile had a slight twitch of irritation. “Okay,” she said, her voice still chipper—too chipper for Morgan.
“Emily’s been taking care of me, so you can finally have a night off,” he joked, trying to lighten the awkward situation.
“That’s good,” Morgan answered, her tone a bit tense. “I’m going to be busy at the bar tonight, so I’m glad you have someone to watch you.” Her face was tight as if she spoke through gritted teeth. But I give her props for keeping her smile, despite her obvious frustration.
“Well, when do you have to be at the bar?” Griffin asked. “You could stay and watch movies with us.”
“Thanks, but I’ll pass. I have other places to be. But I’ll see you around, Grif. Bye, Emily.” She waved, her tone cheery, and she closed the door behind her.
Griffin had his eyebrows raised. “Yikes. I hope she wasn’t too pissed,” he said, leaning back into the couch.
After my little bout of jealousy over Morgan, I decided to text Cassian and see if he’d cooled off yet. No response. That’s okay, he’s probably busy. I repeated that mantra for the next few hours, growing in irritation every time he ignored my texts. I’d sent about a dozen of them before texting Ember to ask how he was doing.
Ember: He’s still fuming. Said he doesn’t want to talk to you at the moment.
