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I nodded, figuring she would know. If I could be immune to the Berserker Wolf's influence to kill, maybe my friends and family would be safe.
"It's not a bad idea and it just might work," Roxanne said. "I don't know for certain since this is a unique circumstance, but in theory, you might be able to fight off the bloodlust with the Wolf Moon's help."
I breathed a sigh of relief. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, I found a ray of hope. While it may not cure me, suppressing it was the next best thing. I wouldn't have to live in fear anymore, the fear of hurting innocent people. I could have a normal life again. Well, as normal as it could get for a wolf shifter.
"Don't start celebrating just yet," Roxanne said, holding up a hand. "It's not a definite guarantee. There's a chance it may not work, little wolf. On the off chance it does, you'll not only have the strength of the Wolf Moon's gift, but also the Berserker Wolf. You'd become one of the strongest wolves in your pack. That said, it could also paint a bigger target on your pack than your fellow pack mates."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean both of your abilities could be transferred over to someone who kills you if they're given the chance.There are a lot of people in this world who would, just for chance to have the kind of power your pack possesses, some that are far stronger than your former Alpha."
I never thought about it that way. So far, our only concern was Alpha Pierce, but now that she mentioned it, there were other enemies that we could face in the future; whether shifters or anything else. That was if I could tame the berserker in me.
"I would also advise you to talk to your mate," Roxanne added. "I may not be able to read her mind, but I can read yours. Yours and your brother's love is far stronger than anything I'd ever felt before. Even if I can't read what she's thinking, I can see in the way she looks at you that she loves you too and is worried sick about you. She has a right to know."
I pressed a hand over my racing heart. "But what if she can't face me after telling her? What if she thinks I'm a monster?"
"Kai Trivinij, take a look over to where your mate is standing." At her command, I did as she said. Rosie was leaning against my and P'Kao's truck, the two of them talking about something but then her gaze fell on me, and my chest constricted at the worry that was evident in her stare. "Is that the face of someone who would walk away from you?"
Every cell in my body knew the answer to that. Rosie was everything I never expected to find in a mate. I loved her. I loved her so much, I ached with it. She wasn't like all the girls who thought I wasn't man enough to be with. She wanted me from the moment our eyes met, and I knew I could never love anybody more than her. Even if I found my fated mate, a part of me felt that I wouldn't have been able to love him or her the way I felt for Rosalinda Mendoza. I was terrified of scaring her off, but I doubt I'd ever be able to. She wasn't the type to give up when the chips were down. She'd stand her ground and keep pushing forward. Just like she would with me.
"No, it's not," I said with all the confidence I could muster.
"Exactly, which means you can tell her," Roxanne said, patting my shoulder. "You know, I've looked into your mind and saw your past. I know what happened that transpired you praying to the Blood Moon."
I gaped at her. "Isn't that a little intrusive?"
"No, it's a lot intrusive," Roxanne deadpanned. "But I was curious to know what happened to you and what I saw made me understand why you did it."
"I regret my decision every day of my life," I whispered.
"You shouldn't." At my confused look, Roxanne elaborated. "You were a little boy fearing for your life. Even if you could shift, you were still too small to face a grown man on your own. You did what you had to, to survive and protect your twin."
"I could've hurt him."
"But you didn't, and Kao was in that house that night too, was he not? He was there and you never did so much as leave a scratch on him even in your berserker rage."
My mouth hung open in surprise. Roxanne had a point, P'Kao was never harmed by me. In fact, he helped calm me down after killing Wayne and his wife. He was close enough to touch me, and I didn't hurt him.
Roxanne grinned. "You see? You're so worried that you may lose control and endanger the lives of your loved ones that you failed to realize that you never harmed them to begin with. Your fear of lacking control is your biggest weakness, Kai. You didn't harm your brother back then because you willed yourself not to. You have the strength within you but only if you stop being so afraid to let it loose and show your wolf that you’re the dominant one."
I never looked at it that way. I wasn't sure if it was as easy as she said, and I didn't think it would be a good time to test that theory not, but Roxanne was right about one thing. I needed to stop being so afraid. Fearing the worst never solved anything, it only crippled me. Everyone else was stepping up to take action except me. I didn't want to fall behind. It was time for me the face the challenges ahead of us too, starting with rescuing Joaquin.
"Thanks, Roxanne, for all your advice," I said sincerely.
"You're a good kid, little wolf. I have faith in your future. Just remember that you're in charge of your actions, nobody else. You decide your fate."
I nodded then turned around and walked back to the group. I didn't go see Rosie right away. Instead, I went to where Del was talking with Javier, Caleb, and Raph.
"Del, I have something I need to talk to you about," I said, thankful that my voice wasn't as shaky as I thought it'd be.
Be tough, be determined, be confident.
"Oh?" Del quirked a brow. "And what would that be?"
I took a second to compose myself, steadying my beating heart, and forced the words out of my mouth. I opened my eyes, and said, "I want to go with you to rescue Joaquin."
Del's eyes widened. "You what?"
