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“Aye, I know.” Liam frowns. “When Ana had her scare, I thought I’d lose my mind with fear. The only thing that kept me together was knowing I had to be strong for her. That if I broke, there’d be no one left to keep her together. I was all she had, and you’re all Isabella has. She needs you.”
“I know.” I rub my hand over my mouth. “And I haven’t really been there for her. Aye, I’ve been doing all the things I’m supposed to do, technically. I’ve supported her financially and made sure she has a place to live, the best doctor, everything that Ineedto do. But I haven’t been there for her the way she really needs me to, because I don’t bloody know how.”
“Because of how things started?” There’s no judgement in Liam’s voice, only a quiet curiosity.
I nod, slumping forward as I look at the white tiled floor. “Relationships need trust. My parents had a good marriage. And for all of it, they always said they trusted each other. My father did work for the Kings—work that he didn’t always want to tell my mother about. And she always said she was fine with that, because she trusted that he would always do what was right for our family first, for her second, and for himself last. That whatever he did while he was gone, she knew he would make the right choices. And he trusted her to love him unconditionally, to raise their children, to be the voice of reason when he needed it and the voice of support when he needed it, too. Their trust in each other was absolute. And with Isabella—” I shake my head. “I want to trust her. God knows I do. I want to believe she’ll never lie to me again, as she’s said she won’t. But how can Iknow? How can I put my trust in her, knowing how we began? And more than that, how can she trust me to make choices for our family without losing myself? She knows the kind of man I am, the things I’ve done. I don’t know how to be anyone else. What if I’m not right for her, either?”
I glance sideways at Liam, feeling a bone-deep misery swell through me. “We never planned to be together. This was never meant to be anything more than a few nights. One thing led to another, and now we’re bound together by something more than a relationship—but what if that’s gone? If there’s no baby anymore, what do we do? Do I just—let her go?”
“It doesn’t sound like you want to.” Liam looks at me sympathetically. “I’m going to be honest with you here, man. It sounds like the baby has been a way for you to stay close to her without having to admit how you feel. She’s in your life no matter what, if she’s the mother of your child. It lets you keep her near without feeling those things that could hurt you, or her, or both of you in the end, if it all goes wrong. But that’s a chance you have to take, if you love her.”
“I know it wasn’t easy for you and Ana, either.” I let out a breath. “That’s an understatement, actually.”
Liam nods. “It was bloody fucking hard from start to finish. It still is, some days. What happened to her—and not just Alexandre, either, but Franco too—it wounded her in a way that doesn’t ever entirely heal. Add to that a child who is mine in the ways that matter, but not in every way, and there’s a lot between us to deal with. A lot that we have to navigate, day after day, carefully.”
He pauses, as if he’s thinking carefully about what to say next. “Being married isn’t easy. It’s not the hard slog so many people make it out to be, not if you’ve married the right person, but it’s also not always bliss and roses. Especially not when you, and the woman you’ve married, have lived the kind of hard lives we’ve all experienced. Some of us harder than others.”
“Ana didn’t lie to you,” I point out. “Your relationship didn’t start like that.”
Liam rubs his hand over his beard. “Aye, maybe not. But there were other challenges that were bloody hard, and you know it. Ana was in love with another man for part of our time together. There was a lot that she had to let go of, that I had to be patient with, for there to ever be a chance for us to last. A lot of things I’d thought I could never do or endure that I learned I could, for the woman I love.”
“So you’re saying I should forget about it? I’ve already forgiven her—but forget? Put it all aside and start over?”
Liam takes a deep breath. “If you love her, and you don’t try, you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it. I know Saoirse hurt you deeply, Niall—but you tried. You gave it your all, and when she left, you shouldn’t have let that break you. At least you know you can love deeply, for the right woman. And I think Isabella is that woman. You’ve done so much to keep her safe already, because deep down—you know she is. If she wasn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting here thinking that you can’t let her go, even if the one reason you felt you had to stay together no longer existed.”
“Mr. Flanagan?”
The doctor’s voice interrupts us, and Liam and I both stand at the same time, looking anxiously at her as she strides towards us. “Which one of you is Mr. Flanagan?”
“I am.” My heart feels as if it’s stopped in my chest, waiting for her next words, for her to tell me that the baby didn’t survive, or that neither of them have.
“Mrs. Flanagan is stable. She’s sleeping right now, and will be for a while, but she’s in no danger. And—”
“The baby?” I cut in without meaning to, fear and relief mingling.
“The baby is fine as well. These things happen sometimes, usually because of stress, which I understand your wife has had a good bit of lately. She’ll need to be cautious, but this shouldn’t cause a problem long term—nothing like bed rest for all of her remaining pregnancy or anything like that, which is good, since she’s got a while to go.” The doctor looks at me reassuringly. “Some women even still have a rogue menstrual cycle, this early on. Your wife will be fine.”
“I—ah—” I feel my cheeks heat slightly, the fear that I’ve been holding for hours now churning in my gut all over again. “Last night we—” I can’t quite force the words out as I follow the doctor down the hall to Isabella’s room. “We, I—”
The doctor pushes open the door, turning to face me. “Had intercourse?” She looks faintly as if she’s trying to hold back a grin, which infuriates me a little, after how terrified I’ve been since the moment I saw that spreading bloodstain.
“Aye,” I manage through gritted teeth. “Was that—was it my fault this happened? That we—”
She frowns. “Was it exceptionally rough sex?”
I shake my head quickly. “No! Of course not. I—I was drunk. I wasn’t as careful with her as I might have been otherwise, but it wasn’t—”
“Then you have nothing to worry about. This wasn’t your fault, and once your wife has had time to rest, you should be able to resume normal marital relations.” She glances toward Isabella. “She’s still asleep, so don’t try to wake her. She needs her rest. But you can stay here with her for a while if you’d like.”
She looks very small, lying in the white bed, hooked up to machines. Her dark hair is pushed back from her face, making it look narrower than usual. She looks frail, in need of protection, and everything in me to my very core screams to do just that—to protect her, to care for her.
Forever.
It’s in that moment, faced with the fear that I could have lost her and the knowledge that I haven’t, that it all comes home for me—every feeling and every desire that I’ve been fighting for all this time.
I’m in love with you, too.
The words leave my lips, just a whisper. I sit in the chair next to her bed, reaching out to put my hand next to hers. Not close enough to touch and wake her, but close enough to feel the warmth of her skin. “I’m in love with you,” I repeat, looking at her beautiful, peaceful face. “I’ve been fighting it since I rescued you from Javier, but I love you. I do. I don’t know how to make a life like this, the way we started—but I can’t lose you. So we’ll find a way together, because without that, I don’t know how to keep going. And it’s not just the baby—it’s you. I never expected to find you, but now that I have, I can’t keep going without you.”
