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His eyebrows pushed together. “You’re all alone.”
I looked away as a tear rolled down my cheek. “Shelly called me tonight. She said my mom was waiting for her outside of her apartment.”
“What did she want?”
“To talk to me. Shelly took her number so that she would leave her alone. I guess she didn’t get the hint when I screamed in her face.” I covered my face with my hands. “I just wish she would have left me alone. Everything was fine before she came back.”
“You need to talk to her, Merr. You can only run for so long. Maybe once you talk to her, all of this will finally stop.”
I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, and looked into his eyes. They were filled with desperation and worry, and it killed me to know that I was the one causing all of it.
“Maybe this is all too much.”
“Too much?” I asked nervously.
“The gigs, the meetings, always recording in the studio. You’re left alone all day and night.”
I took a deep breath before I said my next words. I had to be strong, as I had once been not so long ago – like I was before coming to California. “It’s not you, Chase. I think I have a problem.”
“I know it’s difficult to face your mom, but maybe if you just –”
“No,” I interrupted. “I think I have a problem. With drinking.”
A dozen emotions flashed across his face. “Okay. We can fix this.”
I shook my head. “You can’t help me with this.”
“Stop pushing me away. You don’t have to go through everything alone. Look at all we have been through together. We have always helped each other get through tough times in the past. Let me help you.”
I took his beautiful face into my hands. “Chase, this is not me pushing you away. This is me telling you that you need to focus on your life here. You’re in the middle of becoming what you have dreamed of being your whole life.”
“None of that matters if you’re not okay. I can cut back on gigs and meetings. I’ll talk to George. I’ll figure it out.”
“No. You need to be doing all of those things in order to get where you want to be.”
He looked down at my hand as he intertwined his fingers with mine. “I want to be with you. That’s where I want to be.”
Another tear rolled down my cheek, and his face became blurry. “I will always be with you. Even if we’re not physically together. I just don’t think I can stay here in this environment. I won’t be able to stop.”
“Well, try. How will you know if you don’t try?”
“I have been trying.” I reluctantly met his gaze. “I can’t stop.”
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” His voice was low.
I did not answer. He already knew. I pressed my lips against his, as the tears continued to drop from my eyes. In one fluid movement, he scooped me up off of the floor and carried me into the bedroom. He laid me on the bed, pulling the covers over the both of us. We faced each other in the darkness, our bodies entwined, until we could no longer keep our eyes from closing.
When I woke up the next morning, Chase had already gone in to the studio. His text read that he planned to return around five o’clock. He cancelled his evening gig to spend our last night together. I quickly texted Dave that I had a stomach bug to get out of work. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I wouldn’t be at work, or in California, ever again. Then, I called Shelly.
“So, you’re going to have to cancel your plane tickets to come out here,” I began.
“What?” Shelly screeched. “Why?”
“Because I’m coming home.”
It was silent on the other side of the phone.
“Shell?”
