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“I thought I was going to die, and I knew it was going to hurt.”
“Was it the dying part, or the pain?”
“The pain.” Punch.
“You weren’t afraid to die?”
“Nope.” Punch, punch.
“So, you’re afraid to feel pain.”
“Who’s not?”
“Some people like pain.”
“I don’t think anyone enjoys being burned alive.” Punch.
“That’s fair. What about love?”
“What about it?” Right, left.
“When did you have your heart completely broken?”
“When my mom walked out on me and my dad.”
“Ah, see? I’ve struck a nerve. Your punches just got weaker.”
“My mom lives on that nerve.”
“Why?”
“She ruined everything when she left.”
“Like what?”
“My dad killed himself.” Right, left. “I crashed my car.” Right, left.
“What if I told you that the only thing your mom ruined was her own life?”
“How so?”
“Your father had two choices when your mom left: fight, or flight. Those are the choices everyone gets in life. You can either fight through whatever happens to you, or you can run away from it. He chose flight. He gave up. He was weak.”
My jaw clenched as I swung my fists.
“You got drunk to escape the pain. That’s why you crashed. You are weak, too.”
I swung even harder.
“Your mother didn’t love you enough. So what? You weren’t enough of a reason for your father to stay. Tough shit.”
I hit the pad with all of my might.
“That feeling inside you – that twisting in your gut – that is pain. It feels like you’re angry, but the anger is only there to cover up the pain. You need to learn to embrace it.”
My arms fatigued, and I dropped them to my sides. “How do I embrace something that I don’t want to feel?”
“You have to feel it. That’s the only way through it. Allow yourself to accept whatever you’re feeling in that moment. Be honest with yourself, and admit what’s really bothering you. Stop rolling your eyes at everything; stop trying to run away from it all; stop trying to bottle it up; stop evading responsibility for every situation you find yourself in.”
