AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Right now, I just need you to leave.”
She tried to reach her hand out for me, but I quickly backed away. She put her head down when she walked out the door, and I slammed it behind her. I paced around the living room, trying desperately to choke back the tears. It was no use. I collapsed onto the floor in the middle of my apartment, and let eight years’ worth of tears come out. Waves of emotion crashed into me, relentless and unyielding, as I sobbed harder than I ever had before.
The happy childhood I once thought I had was a lie. My mother was a functioning alcoholic who had been suffering since she gave birth to me. My father was in denial, which only perpetuated her secret. All of my fondest memories were now tainted by the truth.
After some time, I picked myself up and went to the bathroom to splash water on my face. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, all I could see was Claire. Her eyes, her hair, and her addiction stared back at me. In California, Chase had been worried that I would become my father; now, for the first time, I saw that I had inadvertently become something much worse: I had become my mother. This realization hit me like a ton of bricks, and I could not bear the weight of it. I balled my hand up into a fist and smashed the glass, shards falling into the sink. I did not check to see if my hand was bleeding; I did not care if it was – something had taken over me. I stormed into the kitchen.
Rummaging through my cabinets, I remembered that Tina and Kenzie had brought over housewarming beverages when I first moved into my apartment last year. My eyes finally settled on what I was searching for: a brand new, unopened glass bottle of tequila.
Before I could come to my senses, I unscrewed the cap, and took a long swig from the bottle. The familiar burning entered my throat, and I quickly took another gulp to accompany the first. More tears spilled out of my eyes. I carried the bottle into my bedroom, leaving the cap behind on the kitchen floor. Again and again, I drank from the bottle, until the wonderful numbness began to set in. After I felt like I had drank enough, I placed the bottle on my nightstand and curled up into a ball under my covers until I fell asleep.
Chapter Fifteen
A Second Chance
My head was pounding. The sun was bright as it streamed through my window. I squeezed my eyes shut and yanked the blanket over my head. I tried to ignore the pounding in my brain, but it only seemed to get louder.
“Merritt! If you don’t open this door, I will!”
I immediately sat up. The pounding was not in my head, but on my front door.
“Okay, Merritt! That’s it! I’m coming in!”
I tore the covers off of me, and stumbled over my feet as I ran to unlock the door.
Tanner shouldered past me, letting himself into the apartment. “What the hell, Merritt?”
I shielded my eyes from the sunlight, and quickly closed the door behind him. “I’m sorry. I have a bad migraine.” I shuffled back to the bedroom, collapsing onto the bed, and not wanting him to see me.
“Are you sick or–” Tanner froze in the doorway. His mouth dropped open when he laid eyes upon my nightstand. “What the fuck did you do?”
Though I had cried an ocean last night, tears still managed to find their way to the surface. “I… I messed up, Tanner.”
Without missing a beat, he began opening my dresser drawers, frantically searching for something. I watched him rip open my closet door and disappear inside; he emerged two seconds later, tossing my sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants at my face. “Put these on. We’re leaving in five.”
“I can’t,” I began. “I can’t face T.J. like this”
Tanner gripped my shoulders and lowered his chin to look at me. “Clean yourself up, and meet me in the car.” He walked towards the door, and held up his hand. “Five minutes.”
I spent two of the five minutes in bed, clutching my sweats in my hands, too afraid to move. Though I was embarrassed to let T.J. see me like this, I was even more upset about how much of a disappointment I would be to him. The last thing I wanted to do was let him down, after all the progress he had made with me – for me.
With only seconds to spare, I sat beside Tanner in his Mustang. I tried as hard as I could to not look hungover, but I knew my eyes would be a dead giveaway.
We rode in silence, staring straight ahead out the windshield. I could hear my heart thumping inside of my chest, as every turn Tanner made brought us closer to the gym.
Once inside, I spotted T.J. making his way to the ring. His grin faded as I approached him.
“What’s wrong, Curly Sue? You look like–”
I looked down at his sneakers, too ashamed to bring myself to look him in the eyes.
He stepped closer to me, lifting my chin with his finger. After he surveyed my appearance, his face crumbled.
My eyes welled up instantly seeing his disappointment.
His fingers left my chin, and pointed towards the exit. “Get out.”
Tears spilled down onto my cheeks. “T.J., please,” I tried.
