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But my brain was registering something different this time. It wasn't until I pushed out of bed, padded over to the bureau, and pulled out a new T-shirt and boxers when I realized that in the dream, I hadn't gotten a call about Elise. I had gotten a call about Kaya.
"Motherfucker."
You want to keep her.
No. I do not want to keep her. This whole bloody arrangement was temporary. This was just anxiety. It would pass.
I tugged open my bedroom door and padded down toward the kitchen.
It was only natural that I hesitated at her door. I didn't knock. Just a mere silent pause.
That was all.
Sure, you tell yourself that.
Okay fine, so I had stopped for a moment. To what? See if she was awake?
No. I wasn't doing that. I had to keep a barrier between the two of us. I had a job to do, and the job was to protect her. That was all. Nothing else.
In the kitchen I grabbed a glass of water and leaned my forehead against the upper counters as I tried to force deep calming breaths. My subconscious, however, was having a bloody field day. Happy to point out that when I had an Elise nightmare, I was always able to go straight back to bed. When I had an Elise nightmare, I didn't have the shakes or the sweats and I was able to shake it right away. But this time it felt real. The cramp around my heart, the pain in my gut, it was all real. My brain really thought I’d lost her. And I was… devastated.
I scrubbed a hand down my face and drained the glass of water, and when I turned, I gasped and stumbled back, the counter digging into my ass. "Jesus fucking Christ. What the fuck are you doing?"
Kaya's eyes were wide. "I thought I heard something outside my door, and I saw the light so I—"
I forced several quick sharp breaths. "Sorry. I just needed water."
She was standing too damn close, and she smelled so sweet, tempting me into the things I knew I should not do.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
I licked my bottom lip, watching her watching me. And suddenly, I could not remember anything about why it was so important that I not fucking touch her. There was a reason, but it was one I had a hard time remembering because my gaze was focused on her lips and her scent was wrapping around me like a python, refusing to release me.
"Jasper?"
My name on her lips was a whisper and a caress. And when I didn't answer, she tried again.
"Saint?"
I wasn't sure why, butSaintsounded somehow more sexual, like she was suddenly more aware of me as a man standing in front of her ready to lose absolute control.
"You should go to bed, Kaya."
"Well, I was in bed, but… Are you okay?"
I tried to say yes. I tried to speak. But that feral, desperate part of me that remembered how she tasted, how she sounded, how she smelled, was taking over, and it was hard to form coherent thought. Whatever the hell I said came out sounding sort of a cross between grunt and growl. "I said go to bed."
"What's wrong with you?"
She wanted to fucking know what was wrong with me? I stepped forward until there was barely a breath between us, and I loomed over her.
Kaya tilted her head up, glowering up at me and telling me silently she did not appreciate my heavy handedness. Her annoyed frown told me that I was going to get a proper what for. But instead, her lips parted and I watched as she swallowed hard.
"I feel like I told you to do something, and I need you to do it," I growled.
"Why are you being like this?"
When she didn't budge, I chuckled harshly. "Because I'm trying to be a fucking gentleman. And you being this close right now is making it fucking impossible. Can't you feel how impossible you’re making it?"
