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I didn’t know how I would… if Icould… let her go.
With a sigh, I looked at the roses I’d set in front of Mum’s grave. They were varying shades of red, pink, and white, and they were the ones I brought once a month, every month, without fail.
Today, they’d come with a silly little balloon that wished her a happy birthday.
Like she knew.
Like she would have one.
Like it even mattered anymore.
“Oh, Mum,” I said softly, staring at the pristine white marble of her gravestone. “What do I do?”
The only response was a gentle breeze through the trees, making the leaves rustle around me.
“I wish you were here.” I traced the engraving of her name with my gaze. “None of this would be difficult if you were. You’d know what to do. What I should do. I just don’t know anymore. Nothing is easy. Ellie has changed everything.” I fiddled with a blade of grass as the pain of missing Mum swelled in my chest. “I think you’d like her. I never cared about that before, but she’s different. She makes me feel different.”
I dipped my head as the ache swept through my entire body, weighing me down. I clenched my jaw so tightly that it hurt, and the snapping of the blade of grass between my fingers was but a momentary relief.
“I don’t know what to do.” My vision blurred, and the roses all blended in one gloopy mess of colour that stung my eyes.
Or maybe it was the tears that were stinging.
I didn’t know.
“I thought I might find you here.”
I rubbed my hand down my face and turned to face Grandma. She was wearing a light purple dress with shocking red accessories, and she carried both a tote bag that proclaimed she ‘wet her plants’ and a tall vase with purple and yellow flowers.
“I didn’t know you were coming here today. I’d have waited for you,” I said, getting up. I relieved her of the vase and the tote bag which earnt me a smile.
“Oh, Max. I’d never dream of asking you to do that,” she said, touching my arm. “Thank you. That vase is heavy.”
It wasn’t for me, but I could see how she’d think so.
“Where would you like me to put it?”
“Wherever you think it would look best, dear.”
I pushed the roses to the side and set the vase down, making sure to adjust them so the gravestone was centred between the vases.
“Lovely,” Grandma said, holding her hands out for the bag. I passed it back over to her, and she pulled out a small blanket that she laid on the ground in the very spot I’d just been sitting, then she lowered herself onto with a little, “Oomph,” that made me pause with concern.
“Are you all right?”
“Yes, just regretting not bringing a chair.” She winked, reaching into her bag once more. She pulled out a huge slice of chocolate cake with a candle next to it, and I watched with a small smile as she opened the carton and put the candle on top of the cake.
Then lit it.
“Blow it out,” she said, holding the piece up. “I usually have to do it myself and it somewhat loses something.”
I wasn’t going to argue with her, so I bent forwards and blew out the candle with one little puff.
“Hurrah,” she said, setting the cake down in front of her and removing the candle. “I know what you’re going to ask, and the answer is yes. I do this every year. Your mother and I share a piece of cake, and I catch her up on the latest news. Sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone who can’t talk back.”
I swallowed, looking down. “I think so, too.” I peered over at her and caught her gaze for a second. “I’ll leave you to your catch up.”
“I’d appreciate that,” Grandma said softly.
