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“Yes, Grandma,” she replied, promptly turning around and grabbing a gin glass on her way.
“And none of that single serve nonsense! I want a real gin!” Esme demanded, rapping her walking stick on the floor.
I picked up my glass to hide my smile and dipped my chin a little bit.
“I can’t believe you didn’t invite me. Max I understand, but me? Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?” Esme asked me, prodding her lime green nail into my lower arm.
Her extraordinarily long nail.
Max frowned. “Your nails are… interesting.”
Esme opened her mouth, presumably to tell him to shut his, then paused and looked down at them.
They werelong.Kardashian-long. Can’t-wipe-your-own-arse long.
“They’re a bit long,” I said softly. “I do like the colour though.”
“Mm.” Esme wrinkled her nose.
“What the bloody hell are those talons?” Penny asked, putting Esme’s gin down. She reached out and grabbed her hand, frowning at the nails. “Was this what you were doing at May’s house earlier? Oh, Grandma! You didn’t.”
I had no idea what was going on, and judging by the look on Max’s face, he didn’t either.
“Explain,” Max said after a moment.
Esme sighed. “May’s granddaughter is training to be a nail painter person.”
“A nail technician,” I muttered.
“Whatever they’re called,” she continued. “Back in my day, we just painted them ourselves. Now there are fancy purple lights and sticky gems and… this.” She flapped her hand. “I agreed to a nice manicure with a simple jelly paint in a nice light blue.”
“Gel, not jelly,” Pen pointed out.
“And I got this.” Esme wriggled her fingers. “I can live with the green, but how am I supposed to pop my pills with these things? I’ll send my blood pressure meds flying through the room and take out someone’s eye.”
Max sighed. “What did you do to May?”
“I take offense at your assumption that I deserved this.”
Penny stared at her.
Esme sniffed. “I told her that her dress was far too tight, and she looked like a stuffed sausage in a vacuum bag.”
I pressed my lips into a flat line and looked up at the bottles on the back wall. It took all my self-control not to laugh. That was quite possibly the most random insult I’d ever heard, yet it was so utterly brilliant, and the kind of thing only Esme could get away with saying.
Or not, if you looked at her nails.
She tapped her nails against the bar. “It was worth it to see the look on her face, even if I am Wolverine’s second cousin now.”
Max rubbed his eyes in exasperation.
Penny grabbed her grandmother’s hand again and examined the nails. “Are they gel or acrylic?”
“I don’t bloody know, Penelope. Do I look like a show pony?”
“Were they cured under UV or LED?” Penny paused, and when Esme looked at her with confusion riddling her features, she said, “The bright purple light.”
“Oh. Yes.”
