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I turned the torch back in his direction and illuminated his general vicinity and waited for him to join me on the other side of the fence. “Thanks for helping me up. I was really hoping I wasn’t sitting in poo. I’ve done that enough here.”
“Ellie,” Max said.
“Just when I thought I was going to miss those damn goats, I—”
“Ellie!”
I stopped and turned to him, brightening his entire body with the torch. He winced, and I lowered the torch slightly with a gentle apology. “What?”
“Don’t…” Max drew in a deep breath. “Don’t go.”
My heart thumped in my chest, slamming against my ribcage. “What are you talking about?”
“London. Don’t go back to London.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
ELLIE
A Tale of Two Halves
Iinhaled slowly and tilted my head to meet his gaze, my hold on the torch slacking slightly. “I don’t understand,” I replied softly.
He took a step closer to me. “Please. Don’t go back to London.”
“No.” I shook my head and took a step back. “I don’t know where this is coming from but no. Don’t make this hard, Max. I have to go home.”
“Please.”
I held out the torch.
He didn’t take it, so I bent to put it on the ground at my feet.
“No. You know this as well as I do.” I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at a spot over his shoulder. “My book is done. I’m ready to turn it in for the first round of edits. I was always going home now.” I swallowed hard. “Whatever happened between us… It’s done, Max.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“Yes, it does. We want different things from our lives, and I’m not going to ever ask you to change what you want from yours, and I can’t give up the things I want out of mine.”
“What if you didn’t have to?” He took a step forward and held out a hand before swiftly dropping it again, almost as if he were going to reach for me. “I know you don’t want to go. Everything you just did then—I heard you talking to the goats, Ellie. I know you don’t want to leave. Stay for a little longer.”
“No.” I held up my hands and stepped back, putting much needed distance between us even as my stomach tied itself into desperate knots. “You can’t—you can’t do this to me. I just told you that I wouldn’t ask you to change what you want from your life, so why are you asking me to?”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are! You’re asking me to stay, and I know what that means. It means staying here in Windermere with you. That means giving up things I’ve dreamt of for my entire life. Why would you ask that of me?” I rubbed my hand up and down my arm. “You can’t just ask me to stay here without having a conversation about—”
“Have you considered letting me speak?” he asked, his lips curving to one side. “A conversation takes two people at least, no?”
I don’t know.
I was pretty good at talking to myself.
Also… maybe I just didn’t want to hear what he had to say.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly, averting my gaze. “You’re right. I’m not really giving you a chance to talk at all, am I?”
He shook his head, but he really was fighting a smile. “Will you look at me? Please?”
