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Oh, my heart.
My breaking heart.
“Max.” I closed the distance between us and rested my hand against his cheek, tilting my head, seeking out his mouth with mine. I could taste his tears on his lips, and I hadn’t even realised he was crying. It made my own eyes sting, made tears threaten to breach them, made every part of me twist and twirl into knots that only made sense as long as I kissed him.
My lips lingered against his for a moment longer than they should have, but he wasn’t even touching me. He’d never raised his hands, never even touched, never dared to hold me.
As if he couldn’t trust himself to let go again.
“I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to admit that you needed help to process what happened,” I said softly, keeping my hand cupping his face. “And there’s nothing to be ashamed of with that—nor is there anything wrong with you wanting to wait and sort through what you need to before you have kids. In fact, that’s a really healthy thing to do. By putting your mental health first, you’re putting your future first.”
He sighed, lowering his chin a little, and tilted it to the side.
“But I have to go back to London. I can’t change that.”
Max dipped his head, nodding it slightly. “I understand. I’m sorry, Ellie. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to stay away from you.”
I smiled. “All my stuff is there.”
He jerked back up and looked at me. “What?”
“All my stuff is at my house.”
He stared at me.
“I can’t just leave it all there,” I continued. “My favourite pyjamas are still on my airer where I forgot to grab them before I left, and you’ve got far too many cats here for Winston to be able to exist without his microchip bowl. He’s a greedy little sod, let me tell you.”
“Ellie.” He grabbed my face, looking at me with something that vaguely resembled hope. “What are you saying?”
“When you told me what happened to your parents, before you left, you said that I was the only thing you were sure of. You just said it now, too.” I blinked tears back. “Well,youare the only thing I’m sure of, Max.”
He held my gaze, not moving, not even so much as a twitch of a fingertip against my cheek.
“I just wanted inspiration when I came here. That’s all I hoped to find,” I said softly, swallowing desperately against the lump in my throat. “I didn’t expect to find you.”
His thumb brushed over my lower lip, slowly tracing its gentle curve with the softest of touches.
“I love you, too,” I said, no longer able to stop a tear falling. “I don’t want to leave. I love this place. I love the goats with their pool noodles. I love your grandmother. I even love her friends. If we ignore May.”
His lips pulled to the side. “As a rule, we always ignore May.”
“Smart.” I nodded, turning away so I could wipe my eyes. “Do you mean it? What you said? About the future?”
“Every word,” he said quietly. “You are my future, Ellie. If you want to be.”
I lifted my gaze to meet his and held it for a long moment, ignoring the silly little boom-boom thing my heart was doing. “I have some terms.”
Max sniffed and dragged his teeth over his lower lip, nodding. “Hit me with them.”
“I’m not selling my house,” I said firmly. “I like my house, and my publisher is in London. I’m not selling it to stay in a hotel when I have to go there for meetings and whatnot. That stuff is expensive. Like my house, actually.”
“That’s reasonable. Besides, property is a solid investment,” he replied without batting an eyelid.
“I want to write in the library.”
“You can have it. It’s all yours. Consider it your office.”
I tilted my head. “And I can read all the books?”
