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Will,she says. Calls me back.Stop.
I pull him toward me by the front of his shirt. Drag him up to his feet. He’s dangling. Barely there. One more hit. Ten more.
There’s a hand on my arm.
I angle my fist toward it. My stance toward it. Everything toward that touch. Nobody’s going to stop me. Not this time. The kitchen rotates around me, frame by frame by frame, refrigerator, sink, cupboard. I’ll fight them too. I’ll fight everybody. I’ll end it.
Bristol’s face comes into view.
Every hair on my body pulls up tight.
Bristol.
Bristol with her green eyes and her dark hair and her bruise. Bristol with her soft touch. Bristol in the path of my fist.
Her voice wasn’t in my head. It was real.
Terrified sobs break through the red filter over my eyes and jolt my heart into a painful, guilty rhythm. Horror tastes like blood, like a throat scraped raw from screaming. I snap my teeth shut against bile.
How could I even for a second think about hitting her? How could I decide to fight without looking to see who was there? How could I ever let her get this close?
Weight tugs at my right hand.
The guy’s slumped over. He’s been out for a while. I’m the one who kept making him get up. Kept giving myself excuses to do more damage.
I drop him and he falls straight down. Doesn’t make any noise on impact.You should have lowered him,that voice says, but I don’t want to touch him anymore. I’ll kill him, if I haven’t already.
“Will,” Bristol says.
I know better than to let her touch me. But thatsobbing.Who’s doing that? Not Bristol.
The kitchen rotates again as I turn my head and see them.
Children.
Bristol’s sister with her bright red hair and her brother with a chalk-white face. They’re cowering in the corner, his arms wrapped around her. But I can still see her eyes. She’s afraid to turn her back on me.
Because I’m a monster.
A monster with a fucked-up face and bloodied hands. My dad’s hands.
I’m not like him. Iamhim.
There’s no money as a buffer now. No money as a façade. No money as a security blanket.
Those kids are afraid ofme.
“Will.” A gentle pull at my arm turns me away from them and back toward Bristol. Her eyes shine. “Are you okay?”
AmIokay? I just killed a man in front of her. Maimed him at minimum. There’s nothing wrong with me. I feel fine.
Except that Bristol’s jittery. So is the rest of the apartment behind her. Not an earthquake. My teeth, chattering. Fuck, thathurts.The bones of my skull are rattling too and there’s a strange pressure in my head.
No. In my chest.
No. It’s everywhere.
It’s just adrenaline and old memories. It’s nothing.
