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“He deserves it if he tried to chase you out of that job.”
“That’s my point.” We’re angry-dancing now. “I didn’t quit. He didn’tchase me out.And I’m not going to let him.”
“Well, I’m not going to let him—”
“You. Are. Leaving.” More angry dance moves. Luckily, the song is fast, with a heavy beat. “He’s staying. If you actually want to help, you could get your head out of your ass and give me real advice.”
Sean points at me, accusing, while he shakes his hips in such an absurd way that I can’t help laughing. “My advice is to let me kill him.”
“Yeah? Is that how you deal with assholes in the military? By having them killed?”
“I don’t have an older brother.”
“Oh my God.”
“I deal with assholes above me in the chain of command by never letting them get under my skin. I always act a little amused with their bullshit, like I’m being indulgent. And you can pack ayes, sirwith a lot of attitude, if you do it right.”
Sean offers his hand to me again, and I take it. “That’s what you think I should do? Just be totally stone-faced.”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“There are other options for you. I…might have tracked someone down today.”
My stomach drops. “Dad?”
“No. A relative of Mom’s. One of her cousins. Or second cousins. I’m not sure, but she knew Mom way back when.” He spins me under his arm again. Sean’s eyes catch mine when I’m facing him again.
Old grief squeezes at my lungs. Shit, that hurts. I try not to dwell on the fact that my mom died. Her pregnancy with the twins was about as high-risk as it could have been, and we never had any money. There was no such thing as bed rest or maternity leave. The memory comes fast and strong—my mom, dark hair half-escaped from a ponytail, the twins in her arms.Aren’t they sweet?Ben’s head was so soft and fragile under my fingertips. My mother flinched.Mom, what is it?She smiled, but I saw the pain in her eyes.Just a headache, sweetheart.
She died the day after they were born.
I throw myself into the dance, working the memory out of my body. Right—Sean was telling a weird story about finding her second cousin. “Okay? Since when are you interested in her family tree?”
“Since I talked to her today. I explained what was going on with you and dad and the twins, and she said she’d be open to taking them.”
“What the fu—” My butt hits the countertop. I’ve backed as far away from Sean as I can get, both hands over my mouth to avoid shoutingwhat the fuck is wrong with youwhen the twins can hear. “What thehell, Sean?”
He puts both hands up. “She lives in a nice place in California. A place with good schools, and good people. She could take the twins, and you could have a life. You could go to college. Go anywhere.”
“I like it here.” I fold my arms over my chest and glare at him. “You’ve been making comments about the apartment since you got here. You know it’s fine.”
“Bristol, this is a nice apartment in a shitty complex. It’s beneath you.”
“The twins aren’t beneath me.”
“That’s not—” He sighs, dropping his hands. “That’s not what I meant. You couldallget out of here and have lives that have nothing to do with Dad.”
“Separated. With them inCalifornia.”
“With a family member.”
“A family member I’ve never met.” I can’t believe he’s being this ridiculous. “Why would I trust her with the twins? Just because she’s related to Mom? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Sean, but Mom’s not here either, because she’sdead.Who’s to say this woman won’t die, too? I’m not doing it. I’m not going to just disappear and have them miss me every day until they start to forget—”
The rest of the sentence is lost in tears. I turn my back on Sean and whip the dish towel off the stove’s handle. My general idea is to dab at my eyes, but I end up pressing the whole thing into my face. I can’t even pick up a dish towel without thinking of Will. All the old, ratty towels were replaced by much nicer ones when he had the apartment redone. This one is embroidered with a red poppy. Petals made from thread catch my tears.
Sean turns me away from the stove and folds his arms around me. “I’m sorry.”
