AllFreeNovel
Share Us
There are three people in line ahead of me. A couple of businessmen and a woman in a bright dress underneath a black coat. The breeze swirls the hem of her dress, lifting it away from the sidewalk so the hem stays clean. I keep an eye on the rest of the street while I wait. Headlights bounce in the line of traffic on this side of the street. A man comes out of a café on the opposite side of the road and sets out a wrought-iron table and a matching chair. He shouts something to a delivery guy who’s midway through lowering his truck’s ramp.
And on this side, a woman sits on the low concrete steps leading into an alcove. She’s crying.
I look away, because that’s the polite thing to do. You don’t stare at somebody who’s having a moment in public. Not in a city like this one. Most people don’t have a choice about crying in public. Private space costs a fortune.
Something makes me look back.
Light-brown hair skims the shoulders of her peacoat. She doesn’t look particularly comfortable in it. She’s crying in a stoic, quiet way, a few tears running down her cheeks at steady intervals, but she tugs at the sleeves of the peacoat like something about it is bothering her.
I look away again. She’s a stranger. I’ve never seen her before.
But then…why does she look so familiar? Weirdly familiar. I get to the front of the line and smile at Nelson. What difference does it make if this is New York City? I can offer her some comfort. That’s the human thing to do.
“One coffee with three creams and three sugars,” I tell Nelson. “And a second one with one cream and no sugar. Can you give me a couple extra packets, though?”
Of course Nelson can. I have two hot paper cups inside of a minute.
The woman doesn’t look up at me until I’m close. She looks younger than I expected. Definitely middle-aged, but I’d have guessed she was in her fifties before. Now I’m thinking forties at most. This close to the buildings, the light is murkier. I can’t tell if her eyes are blue or green. It’s her expression, more than anything, that reminds me of Will. Her lips are set in a tired, determined line. It’s a faint resemblance, though. The way she’s looking, like she’s trying to figure me out, isn’t like him at all.
“Have some coffee.” I hold out the one-cream coffee toward her, the sugar packets balanced on the top.
Her eyebrows go up. One more tear slides onto her cheek, and she lifts the sleeve of her peacoat and dabs at it. “I—” She shakes her head and gets to her feet. “Thank you.”
Once the coffee’s in her hand, I flip the tab on mine and take a sip. I still have a few minutes before I need to be inside. Here is as good a place to stand as any.
The woman slips the sugar packets into her coat pocket and lifts the tab on the lid. I watch the traffic while she tries it.
“That’s good.” She sounds relieved. I’m not going to jump into the breach and ask her what’s wrong, but I will hang out for a second and see if she wants to get something off her chest.
“I’m glad you like it. I haven’t worked around here for very long, but the people in the office say Nelson always has good coffee.”
“That’s…nice for him.”
“Yeah.” The delivery man across the street laughs at something the café guy said. “What about you? Do you work around here?”
“No.” Her answer hangs in the air for several beats. Maybe it was a sensitive question. Apologizing might make it worse. I glance at her. She doesn’t seem angry. The woman in her peacoat watches the traffic. Her teeth dig into her lip. It’s an uncertain expression. Nothing to do about that except wait. She takes another sip of her coffee and sighs. “I’m here to make amends for something I did, but it’s not mendable. I don’t know why I’m even trying.”
“Sometimes it’s worth it to try, I think.”
She tilts her head, agreeing. “Sure. But if a relationship is broken beyond repair, what’s the point? When it’s poisoned from the beginning, how can there be any future? I’m the one who did the poisoning. It’s my fault. But for some reason, I can’t let it go.”
Is that what Will thinks about our relationship? I thought he was being so adamant about making me leave because he thinks he’s a monster, but it could also be about me. I got a job at his company, and I stole from him. He wouldn’t have blackmailed me otherwise. We could be poisoned and futureless, too.
“I can understand that,” I say, finally.
She huffs a short laugh that’s not unkind, exactly. “Can you?”
“I think so, yeah.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see her sizing me up. As if she’s trying to decide how old I am. That disbelieving laugh makes me think she’s not talking about a romantic relationship. One with a child, maybe. A child she’s estranged from?
My dad’s missing, but I don’t think that counts as being estranged. If she’s talking about kids, she’s not wrong, exactly. But I do know how badly the twins needed to know our mom. How much they still need to know her, even if it’s impossible. I need her, too. I’m winging it every day of my life with the twins. Who knows? Maybe my mom still would have ended up in a position where she needed my help to take care of them. I still wish I had her advice. I still wish I hadher.
“Maybe I should just give up,” the woman says, her voice soft enough that I could pretend not to hear, if I wanted.
“No, don’t do that.” She looks me in the eye, brow furrowing. “I can tell you care about this person you’re thinking of. People need that. To be cared for. So don’t give up.”
A small, tentative smile breaks over her face like a lightbulb flickering to life. It only lasts a second, maybe two. “Okay. I’ll keep trying.” She lifts the coffee. “Thanks for this. Don’t let me make you late for work.”
