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Okay. Now I need to find a place to sit down and not move. Once I’ve done that, I can figure out what to do next.
Apartment seems awfully empty.
“Sean?” This whisper hurts so intensely that I put both palms on the wall and hold very still. That seems like the right thing to do, but I’m not a doctor. Could be wrong. “Sean.”
He was just here. I’m stricken with the idea that if he’snothere, someone else could be. I can’t sit down and commence dying without searching the apartment. One step at a time. That’s how I make it across, even though my brain is boiling and there’s a knife in my throat.
My dad’s room is empty.
Some part of me knew it would be, but new tears squeeze out of my eyes anyway. Sean’s bag is gone, and so is Sean. He went back to his black ops job. Didn’t he know that I was going to get sick? He should have stayed. If I die in this apartment, someone’s going to have to find him and tell him, and that could take weeks and weeks.
All things considered, it’s probably better if I don’t die, but I feelso bad.My tears don’t feel hot on my skin. They feel room-temperature.
Andthisroom? My dad’s abandoned room? I’m not going to feel bad in here.
I swallow by accident while I’m turning around, and the pain goes all the way to my toes. My butt meets the carpet before my brain catches up with the fact that I’m sitting.
Oh, no. I might throw up on the floor.
Balancing my head on the wall helps a little.
My throat has never hurt so much in my life.
Wait, that’s not true. It hurt this much once before. All my Mom’s pillows were thin, but she stacked them up on her bed for me.
If I close my eyes, I can feel her touching my forehead.
“Oh, honey.” Her voice is so low she might as well be talking to herself. “What are we going to do about this fever?”
“Ice?” It’s just a guess.
“Here it is.” My fingertips meet crushed-up cubes. I bring one to my mouth, but when I finally manage to get it there, it’s too late. It’s already melted. Evaporated, too. I really am burning up.
“I miss you.”
She laughs, and her arm wraps around my shoulders in a gentle hug. “You don’t have to miss me. I’m right here.”
“You were gone for a really long time.”
It doesn’t hurt at all to talk to her. Is that a good sign or a bad sign?
“Was I?” She must feel me nod, because she lets out a breath. “I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t know where I would have gone, but I’ll take your word for it.”
“I hope you went to the beach.”
“Ilovethe beach.” Her palm moves up and down on my arm. “One day, we’re going to the beach together. We’ll stay in a place with seashell decorations and slushy drinks the size of your head. And we’ll get one of those cabanas and lounge around all day, listening to the waves. What do you think about that?”
“Won’t we get bored?”
“No, silly. We’ll bring magazines. If we get hot, we’ll go swimming. If we get cold, we’ll get a blanket. When the sun sets, a man in a suit will bring us dinner on a tray.”
That’s too funny. “People don’t wear suits on the beach.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. They don’t have guys in suits at the Budget Beach Inn. Butsomeday…”
“Someday…” I’m sure that’s what I’m supposed to say. That’s what I always said.
“Someday we’ll have everything. We’ll stay in a place with guys in suits.”
