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“And that was enough? I know panic attacks can be pretty bad, so…”
Sin actually laughs. “No, it was never as simple as standing around. The panic attacksandthe way his brain works and probably a bunch of other shit mean you have to squeeze him.”
“Really?”
“I’m not fucking with you, Bristol. The thing that helps Em calm down the most if the panic has him is a giant-ass bear hug, right around his chest. And it has to last longer than you’d think.” Sinclair catches me staring out at the waves. “I know. You wouldn’t guess by looking at him.”
“You’re all so tall. And strong. You’re right. I wouldn’t have guessed. Especially because Will—”
“Hates hugs.”
“I feel so—I know this is rude. But you really spent months walking around and hugging Emerson?”
“No. I spent years. Most of our lives. I still do, on the rare occasion he needs it now. Will did his share, too. But it wasn’t just hugs. I had to drag him away from traffic more times than I can count. A few of the tackles could probably be classified asflying.”
That story about the overpass wasn’t a one-off thing, then. Sinclair talks about it like it was just what he did, and…I think it was. He’s not looking for praise. “Will didn’t mention most of that.”
Guilt flickers across his face. “He doesn’t want to take any credit. He’s got this idea that he changed things in the family because he was the last one born before Mom left. I don’t know how to get across to him that he’s not a human grenade.”
Will laughs, shaking sand from his hands, and my heart gets a paper-cut.
“He’s really not.”
“Maybe if you tell him, he’ll listen to you.”
“Maybe,” I echo. If I keep trying. If I don’t give up. “Yeah. Maybe.”
“Bristol,” Mia shouts. “We’re starving to death.”
She’s buried up to her neck in the sand. “How are you going to eat like that?”
“I don’t know,” she says, and howls with laughter.
After the beach, there are showers and dry clothes and hoodies. Will pins me to the wall in the main bedroom and kisses me, tasting like salt air and mint. He pulls down the collar of my crew-neck sweatshirt and leaves teeth marks in my skin. “Do you like it?”
“This vacation?”
“Yes.”
“I love it. So much.”
He presses his face to my neck, inhaling, and then we go down for dinner. On the way to the dining room, we pass the living room. Daphne perches on the edge of a sofa where Emerson is stretched out. She touches his face, and he reaches up and circles his arms around her, pulling her down to his chest. When he arrives at the table a few minutes later, he’s blinking, obviously just woken from a nap.
Sinclair raises his eyebrows at Daphne when Emerson’s not looking. She flashes him a big, excited smile.
“It was a surprise trip,” Will says, his voice low in my ear, covered by Mia telling Emerson an extensive summary of The Dark is Rising sequence and Ben asking Sinclair something about journalism. He must’ve caught me watching them. “Wore him out.”
“To come here?” I can’t describe how it feels to have him tell me this. To have him trust me. I know it’s a big deal, no matter how casually he says it.
“Yeah. To a place he’s never been, with new people. Very short notice. Couple of years ago, he wouldn’t have come at all. This is—” He clears his throat. “This is good.”
My talk with Sinclair gives me an idea of just how good it is. I thought Will might have a less-than-great dad, but that’s downplaying it by a lot. Their childhood was harrowing. It makes this day, and this dinner, and seeing Will with his brothers feel priceless.
After dinner, the twins put on regular bathing suits and go in the pool. Will sits on the edge with Emerson and Sinclair, dangling their feet in the water, all of them supervising. My whole face feels tired from the sun and wind. From thebeach vacation.Daphne pats my arm from the other side of the double pool chair we’re on. “I hope I didn’t make you sad earlier.”
“You didn’t. Really, this has been the best day.”
She bites at her lip. “I just hope—you know. If there’s anything I can do, I hope you’ll tell me. Will has my number, and you can have it, too.”
