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Scott was debriefed on the way here, so he approached, giving Harden and the new team further instructions. Josh went with me, following me back into the small plane. He took his seat, watching me, and after a few moments of silence, he whistled under his breath.
“What?”
“I heard stories about your grandfather. Being in our business, you can’t not hear about him. The rumors are all true. I’ve seenenough firsthand. Butyou. No one’s ready for you. You’re going to make a lot of powerful people very nervous.”
He was right.
I didn’t care.
I shifted back in my seat, took my phone out, and texted Bailey.
Coming back. Are you sleeping?
Her response came through right as we were circling to start taxiing for liftoff.
Waiting for you.
FIVE
Bailey
I woke to an empty bed.
The good news: I woke. That meant I had slept. The bad news: Kash was gone after only just returning late last night.
I rolled over, pulling up the blankets, snuggling in. I’d give myself only a second, because I’d learned that if I didn’t move right away I would space on time. That meant that if I said five minutes, I could remain there for hours.
With the two kidnapping attempts, I thought I knew trauma.
I did not.
I never lost complete moments of time before. But now, after my mom, I could lose an entire day and not know it. Then, at other moments, I couldn’t get my brain to stop thinking and rest. I would go into an altered state of mind where I was me, I was here, but I wasn’t. There was an edge of irrationality, a biting feel to my brain, and I would only know if I was in that state when Ileftthat state. It was exhausting and perplexing. Simple things. Like now, I was giving myself just a beat before I pushed back the blankets and got up.
Padding barefoot, I went to the bathroom first.
I washed my hands.
I forgot to flush the toilet, one second.
I was back.
I rewashed my hands.
I dried my hands.
I brushed my teeth.
I put my toothbrush back. I recapped the toothpaste.
I turned the sink back on, testing it. Making sure it was lukewarm.
And bending, I wet my face.
I reached for my face cleanser, lathered it on my hands and then applied to my face.
Slow circles, tracing my entire face.
My eyes were closed, and I worked around them.
