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I couldn’t—Those words!
I gasped, my hands clamping over my mouth.
I didn’t think like this or feel like this. But these words, they were coming out of me.
My mom.
Chrissy.
She was gone, and I… And now there was nothing.
I wanted to stay. I wanted to go in his arms, reassure him I didn’t mean what I was saying, apologize for them. I didn’t do any of that.
I didn’t leave, either.
He was just staring back at me. His eyes were dark and haunted.
He spoke, his voice so quiet. “You don’t think I know this?”
“What?”
He took a step toward me. “Or that I don’t think this myself?”
“Kash.” A soft sigh from me.
“You don’t think I hold you at night and curse myself, knowing I should let you go? That if I hadn’t met you, and fallen in love with you, that she would still be alive?” Another step. He was close to me, and he was whispering now. “It’s my fault. And it tortures me every fucking minute, Bailey.”
His eyes were so fierce, staring into mine, but he didn’t touch me. I didn’t touch him. Cold, biting Chicago air swung between us, back and forth, back and forth.
“She’s gone because I loved you. It’s that fucking simple.”
I couldn’t look at him anymore. I couldn’t see his pain because then I would feel it, and Iwasalready feeling him, and it was doubling my own pain.
I closed my eyes and I looked away. The silence was deafening, and I didn’t know where we could go from there.
“I have a brother.”
My head reared up.
A brother?
He was staring at me, but he was closed off. “A twin. My grandfather raised him, and he came to me. I had him. I don’t know the reason why he’s here, but he is, and I thought you should know.”
My mind was a mess. There was too much going on.
I needed to regroup. I needed to fix this.
“Do you want me to leave?”
My heart was squeezing, but I couldn’t answer him.
I closed my eyes.
“No…”
I opened them, but empty air greeted me back.
I never heard him leave.
