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“Lucked out? What are you talking about?” I asked softly right back, smiling tenderly. “You’re the one who raised me, Mama. I’m all you.”
She kept smiling and kept blinking her eyes at the same time. “Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Zeke?”
“I’d like to know more about you and Sophie.”
She barked out a laugh, before shaking her head. “I don’t know about me and Sophie. I know I like her. I know she makes me smile. I know I want to hold her hand, and I know I want to kiss her. That’s what I know. That’s all I know right now. Your turn. What’s going on with you and Zeke?”
Oh, boy.
I let out a soft sigh because in a way, it was the same. Except, “I’m in love with him.”
“Oh, honey.” She leaned in, cupping the side of my face. “Why are you saying that like it’s a bad thing?”
Because he blackmailed someone.
Because I knew he’d do worse if he needed to.
And because no matter what he was doing, I still loved him.
“Because my heart’s going to get ripped out by him one day.”
“How do you know?”
I held her gaze, her hand still holding the side of my face. “Because I’m like you. We don’t like unless we’re going to love, and we don’t love unless it’s forever.” I smiled at her, while I felt my heart being ripped apart. “And because the forever tends to never happen for us. That’s what I know.”
I gave her a sad smile. “How much hurt can we take?”
“Oh, Ava. Honey.” She wheeled all the way in, locking both sides, and reached for me. She cupped each side of my face, and she looked right at me. Eye to eye. Intense. “I don’t know what he’s done to bring this on, or if he’s done anything. Maybe you’re just running blind, but no matter you’re the only one that can judge that. If he did something, can you understand why he did it? It’s only until you understand what he did or why he did it before you can make a decision moving forward.”
Her words cut through me because I didn’t know why he did what he did. I never asked.
“And if he didn’t do anything? If I’m just running blind?”
Her hand fell to mine, and she squeezed lightly. “Then it’s time you stopped running because I can see how much he loves you. I can see how much you love him, and isn’t it worth a try?”
“What’s worth a try?”
“A try at being happy? Isn’t it worth it?”
26
AVA
Iwas waiting on the golf course when Zeke arrived. I’d been sitting down but stood when he got closer, frowning at me and carrying what I’d asked him to bring. He held it up. “Why’d you want me to bring this beer?”
My palms were sweating. I wiped them over my shirt, nodding to the bottle in his hand. “That’s the beer you were drinking the night I accidentally walked here?”
His face was closed off, but he nodded again. “Why’d you want me to bring this again?”
“Because.” I reached for it, opened it, and took a sip before passing it back to him. “That was the night I thought everything was ending. Do you remember?”
He kept watching me, his eyes narrowed, but said, “Yes.”
“Well. I liked the beer. I never told you, but I think that’s my favorite beer.”
“Okay.” His head cocked back. There was a slight softening around his eyes, but his mouth was still firm. “What are we doing here, Ava?”
“We—” I was so nervous. I gestured down. “Can you sit? Can we sit?”
