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“I’m not mad at you,macushla,” he said gruffly. “Only at myself.”
Cora’s smooth brow wrinkled in confusion. “What is that word? You’ve called me that before. It’s so familiar to me, yet I have no idea what it means.”
If his heart was ripped before, then this was going to tear it clean in half. He cleared his throat. “It’s a term of fondness.” Understatement. “Like,my dear. That sort of thing.”Lie, lie, lie.Maybe he wasn’t such a good man after all, if he could still lie so easily to the only woman he’d ever loved. But he couldn’t admit to her that she was the “pulse of his heart.” Not if he was going to reject her right afterward.
“My dear,” she repeated. “Good to know.”
Liam took a deep breath, pushing his plate away. The knot in his stomach killed his appetite. He gathered himself together, looked her straight in the eyes—because she deserved his full attention, especially at a time like this—and told her what she needed to hear. “Cora, that night after I pulled you from the water and you kissed me, you said you weren’t sorry. It’s important that you know I wasn’t, either. Both of us were high on adrenaline and fear, and itdidfeel like the right thing to do.”
She smiled, and he tried to commit that to memory. Because what he was about to do was going to crush her almost as much as it crushed him. “But I don’t think it’s the right thing for us, going forward.”
The light dimmed in her eyes, and she glanced away self-consciously. “You don’t.”
“What I mean is I’m not the right man for you.” God, why did that hurt so much to say? Because it was a truth he could no longer escape? He pushed through the pain and continued. “I think you’re the most wonderful, special person I’ve ever—”
“Liam...” Cora held a hand up, and tried to laugh. “Please don’t give me the whole ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ speech. If you aren’t interested, it’s fine.”
“It’s not that,” he said in frustration. “If I could, I’d sweep you up right now and carry you off to a place no one could ever find us. I’d shower you with cottages and riches and every seashell on the face of this earth.”
She tilted her head in confusion. “Seashells?”
“Whatever would make you happy,” he said fiercely. “Whatever you’ve always wanted... I’d give it to you if I could.”
“What if I didn’t need any of that, and I just wanted to see where this could lead?” she asked in a small voice.
Liam briefly squeezed his eyes shut. “Even if all you wanted was something as insignificant and undeserving as me, I’d do everything in my power... I’d wait lifetimes, just to be with you. But it isn’t that simple.”
“Why not?” she challenged, folding her arms.
He almost smiled, because he dearly loved this feisty side of her. If only he could reach across the table, drag her into his lap and hold on and never let her go. “Because we all have a path to follow, and ours doesn’t run side by side. It only intersects for a very short time. Do you understand?”
Cora frowned. “Are you planning on leaving?”
God, there was the question for the ages. “I wish to never leave Providence Falls.”And you.But he didn’t get to have what he wanted. “Cora, I love living with you and working with you. It’s been the highlight of my life here. But I think it would complicate things too much if we took it further.” At least that was the truth, though the complications were far more dire than she’d ever know.
“So you don’t feel this thing...between us?” she asked hesitantly, searching his face.
“That’s not what I said.” He felt everything for her. That was the problem.
She chewed on her lower lip for a moment. “You’re afraid if we got together and things didn’t work out, it would make our living situation difficult and ruin what we have now.”
“Yes.” Because in a roundabout way, it was the truth.
“You do realize our living situation will change at the end of the summer?”
He nodded, because she wasn’t wrong. He had one more month to save his immortal soul. If he didn’t succeed, his living situation would go from peace, love and a comfortable home to flames, pitchforks and rivers of fire.
“My dream cottage—the one I’ve loved since I was a little girl—is going on the market next month,” Cora continued. “I’m putting an offer on it, and if all goes well, I’ll be moving out. We won’t live together anymore. We’ll only work together, and partners get shifted around at the station all the time. Now that you’ve settled into the job, the captain will probably pair you up with another officer in the next month or so.”
“It’s possible,” Liam said. But it wouldn’t matter, because he’d be long gone by then.
Cora sighed. “These past two months at work have been incredibly hard on everyone. And then of course, I’ve had my own personal dating disasters, Magnus being the worst.” She rubbed a hand over her eyes. “God, I can’t understand what I ever saw in him. I meant what I said on the dock the other night. I was wrong about you. The two of you are nothing alike. He’s selfish and manipulative, and possibly even a murderer. You’re a far better man than he could ever be.”
Liam glanced away because it was too hard to look at her. She was being so sincere, and he didn’t deserve such high regard. Magnus and he were cut from the same cloth. If Cora only knew how he’d manipulated and schemed and stolen in his past life, she’d never say these things now. But this world had changed him, and he didn’t want to be that person anymore. Unfortunately, it was too little, too late.
“I’ve begun to realize how much I trust and rely on you,” she continued. “Someone once told me whenever you experience things in your life, whether it’s joy or sorrow, consider who the first person is you want to tell. That’s the person who means the most to you. And for me, that person seems to be you. If I hear something funny, I want to share it with you right away. If something bad happens, I seek you out first because you’re always there to listen and offer solutions. I... I care for you, Liam. That’s all.”
“And I, you.” He had no other declarations to give her. If he opened his mouth to say how much he loved her, he’d never stop, and he’d probably scare her with the intensity of his feelings. “But right now I don’t want to risk what we have. I might seem like the right man for you, but there could be someone out there who’s much better than me. The odds are extremely good, considering it’s me we’re talking about.”
