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“Wait, I’m not done,” she interrupts.
Doubt it could get worse than a spinning carousel cake?
“Back to the animals… instead of having farm animals, we could go all out and have a zoo theme. I’m sure I’d be able to get a giraffe and some Meerkats on loan. Oh, and don’t forget about a baby tiger cub. Yeah,” she nods to herself. “That’s an awesome idea,” she exclaims excitedly while she scribbles in her notepad.
Dumbfounded.
Flabbergasted.
Stupefied.
Are there any other words that go with this messed-up shit she’s serving up?
Where the hell does she come up with this zany crap?
“I’m going to teach Mike a really modern wedding dance, like to rap music or something, to entertain everyone. I mean Mike’s quite spritely. I’m sure I can get him to breakdance or something.”
I look at her, shaking my head in astonishment.
Mike is spritely, yes.
But break dancing?
More like break-his-back dancing.
Sarah’s out of control, but she looks so happy and excited, especially seeing as we’re both sitting at the dining table, naked. She takes another mouthful of her spaghetti, and some sauce drops and runs between her tits.
I want to lick that off. Right the fuck now!
Without hesitation, I quickly lean in and suck on the sauce just by her nipple. She smacks me in the head and tuts. “Chris Starke, keep focused. I know my boobs are amazing, but we have bigger things to deal with, like the wedding. So, get off me and eat your dinner while I tell you the best part.” She pushes me away from her.
The best part?
And here I thought all her crazy ideas were out on the table.
“Okay, so this is the big one. I know how much Mike loves Star Trek, so do you think I could get Captain Kirk to marry them?” she asks, making me spit my food clean across the table.
She frowns with a stern look, and I stop laughing immediately and put on my listening face. “Babe, his name is William Shatner, not Captain Kirk,” I correct, and she shakes her head emphatically.
“No, I want to have him dressed in his captain’s uniform and marry them as the captain. Oh, and Spock can be the ring bearer,” she exclaims, smiling widely.
I sit there not knowing what to say, especially because Lenard Nimoy, the man who played Spock, isn’t even alive anymore. Obviously, these ideas are completely ridiculous, but there’s no fucking way I am telling her that under any circumstances. That’s for someone else to do.
Yeah, yeah, call me chicken, but I am not breaking her spirit.
“Babe, maybe you should run these ideas past Callie before you start making plans. Don’t you think?”
“You don’t like them?” she questions with a frown, and I instantly backtrack.
“Baby, it’s not for me to like. You’re so… um… creative, but you have to remember that Callie and Mike like the simple things. They’re not young, so your ideas need to be a little more elegant and refined, not… um… extravagant and over the top.”
Sarah shakes her head in disagreement, waving me off. I immediately feel sorry for Callie. Hopefully, she’s better at saying no to Sarah than me because I’m hopeless at it.
“Don’t be ageist, Chris. Just because they’re older doesn’t mean they can’t have a big, extravagant wedding,” she chides.
Yep, I know when not to say anything more. And yes, I might be a pussy for not telling her the way it is, but I’d rather be a loved-up pussy than a sleeping-on-the-couch tough guy any day.
We finish up dinner with her continuing on and on with more outrageous ideas and themes—which honestly, I never would have thought could have gotten more outrageous—for Mike and Callie’s wedding. So, I tune out.
