Page 25 of Before We Were Famous

‘I have been consumed by you from the moment I left here until this moment. Did you think I was calling all the time out of duty?’

He scoffed. ‘Clearly. Everything I have done for the past month has been for you. I gave you your space.’

‘I know, and I love you for it.’

Heath crossed his arms across his chest and glared at me. He felt like a stranger. I wanted to go to him but we weren’t in that space.

I continued: ‘I’m not looking for another guy, I just wanted to experience standing on my own two feet. You’ve done that since you were young. I’ve always had people to lean on and direct me.’

‘And now you have a new man to help with that,’ Heath said.

‘No!’

‘I would have preferred you were honest and had just called it off a month ago.’ He stopped as his voice wavered and he took a deep breath. ‘At least now I know what you want. You want him to romance you, so please take the opportunity without guilt or obligation. We’re over Cathy, you are free.’

I made a desperate wailing sound that I didn’t recognise came from me. My hand went straight to my heart, the source of pain.

‘Please don’t go, please don’t say those things, Heath,’ I struggled to breathe, ‘you’ve broken my heart, Heath don’t go,’I begged.

He jeered, his pain making him cruel. ‘I have not broken your heart! This is all your doing – you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine, Cathy.’

He clutched the car door for support and I covered my face with my hands. What have I done?

‘If you truly loved me, Cathy, what right have you to leave me for the feelings you say you feel for Edgar Linton … seasonal … an experiment at best? I hope he lives up to it.’ He shook his head. ‘I am such an idiot.’ His eyes flared with anger. ‘How long have you been with him?’

‘I haven’t been with him!’

‘Have you slept with him, kissed him?’

‘No, yes, no, I kissed him. It was nothing, like a kiss you’d give a friend.’

His jaw tightened, and his face masked all emotion.

I dropped my hands to look at him but he wasn’t looking at me, he was looking at the moors.

‘Goodbye Cathy, be careful—’ he started to say, and then realised losing me meant he wasn’t responsible for me anymore, ‘—forget it,’ he finished.

I stepped back and he slipped into the driver’s seat, closed the door, and within moments was driving away.

He didn’t look back, not once.

PART 2

Chapter 13– My new life

One month later

Week four and still no word from him; Heath had ghosted me and I looked the part. He ignored my calls and text messages, Lockwood said he refused to accept my letters and never asked for news of me. Heath was true to his word; he had set me completely free.

I never wanted to revisit those last few weeks … I never thought I could cry that much, survive on so little food and sleep. I knew what it meant to hit rock bottom. I didn’t feel anything like myself and I struggled daily to find joy in the new experiences and little victories I was having.

I knew Heath was not in London but yet I was always searching for him, seeing a flash of his face in a crowd and hoping he had come back for me. I wrote copious messages to him, pouring out my heart:

I know you think I don’t love you anymore, but I love you more than life itself.

I am broken, please call me Heath.

I know I don’t deserve you or your love, but please Heath, forgive me, come back to me.

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