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It wasn’t just today I’d been on edge, actually. I’d been in a mood for the last three days, trying to come to grips with what I was facing. How my life was about to drastically change forever, and I didn’t even have a vote in the matter.
“It’s okay,” Marie whispered, her voice shaking. “I assumed something was wrong since we haven’t seen you at breakfast in days.”
Sighing, I reached for the glass of orange juice, debating whether I should top it off with vodka to chill the fuck out. Just because my life was about to be turned upside down didn’t mean I should take my frustration out on others. Still, I couldn’t quite manage a smile as I said, “It’snotokay, but I appreciate you being so gracious. Again, I’m sorry for snapping at you.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Marie hurried out of my office, and I thrust my hands into my hair then scraped them over my stubbled jaw. I hadn’t bothered shaving today, either.
“Way to go, asshole.” This was exactly why I’d spent the past three days locked in my office or my private apartment. I couldn’t snap myself out of this funk; keeping to myself was clearly the best course of action.
Normally, I was the one who kept the mood light, who controlled the room with my smiles and easygoing nature. It was part of what made me a good beta, being able to handle a crowd and keep the peace. I kept my thoughts and opinions to myself when it was best and knew how to negotiate with just the right touch of charm.
But ever since Jessica came up with the idea of holding another Contention, my mood had been shit. I’d avoided her in particular, not wanting a repeat of what happened Friday morning on the terrace.
I sat back in my leather chair, my fingers laced behind my head, and spun around to stare out the window into the dense forest stretching as far as I could see. I hadn’t meant to be so rude to her, so combative. The way I’d spoken, the things I’d said… it wasn’t any way to speak to a lady. But having others decide my future for me had been a tough pill to swallow.
My thoughts drifted back to when I’d backed Jess up against the railing, letting my emotions get the best of me. I’d been fired up, maybe a little out of control. Not myself. But as I’d gotten in her space, staring her down, I’d had the craziest urge to kiss some sense into her. To make her see me as a man, not as a scapegoat to unify the alphas to our cause. A man who had his own dreams and desires. Maybe I was fooling myself, but I’d thought she wanted me to kiss her, too.
A growl of frustration ripped from my throat, and I spun back around, flipping open my laptop. None of that mattered now. I was stuck in this Contention whether I wanted it or not, and the only women I’d be kissing were the ones in the pool I’d be selecting my future mate from.
My chest tightened as I opened my email application. The first one was from Jessica’s official address. The subject line made me bare my teeth:North American Beta Contention Announcement.
As I clicked the email, I took a slow, deep breath to regulate my erratic pulse. This was really happening. I skimmed the words on my screen. Jessica was mailing out formal letters, but this official notice included all the pertinent information.
Jessica briefly described the reason for the new Contention. I might have admired her diplomacy if I hadn’t been so pissed about it. On a rational level, I understood why Holden thought this was necessary. We needed the alphas to be amenable to change. But on a practical level, this was my life we were talking about. The next paragraph had me clenching my fists—the Contention would be starting next month. April seventh to be exact.
Seriously?That was only three weeks away. I had three weeks left before my life was no longer my own. Jessica went on to state that the purpose of the Contention was to find the perfect mate for Garrett Kingsman, North American beta, and to select two additional council members for positions that would either be vacated by retiring members or created especially for the chosen women.
I went still at the next line:
While participation is not mandatory, this is an excellent opportunity for each alpha to put their best women forward to represent their pack on a national level.
I huffed out a disbelieving laugh. As if the situation wasn’t bad enough, she had to go and add salt to the wound. No one was required to participate in the Contention exceptme.
And if it wasn’t mandatory, fewer women would be submitting applications. The Contention wasn’t some glamorous affair that female shifters dreamed of being part of. Perhaps the more ambitious ones, yes. But the entire competition was a dangerous and deadly endeavor. How many women had died during Holden’s? Hell, Kayden herself had initially refused to participate.
That meant I’d have fewer options to choose my future mate from. The letter continued with some formalities, concluding with the statement that the alphas had two weeks to make their submissions, and the finalists would be notified shortly after the submission deadline.
Two weeks.
I slammed my laptop closed and stood abruptly, pacing my office as I tried to come to terms with this. But all I felt was a rising wave of panic that my life was quickly spiraling out of my control. My wolf rose in my consciousness, agitated by my tumultuous emotions, straining to be let free.
Maybe that was what I needed—to go for a run and burn off some of this tension. I was out the door the next instant, racing down three flights of stairs, ignoring the curious looks from staff and enforcers alike as I made my way out the back door.
The crisp, early spring air felt good on my overheated skin, and I yanked my shirt over my head, tossing it to the ground as I broke into a fast-paced jog, heading straight for the woods ahead. The beast within was so close to the surface I barely managed to tug off my pants before my wolf exploded from my body. The shift was so fast that it left me breathless, muscles aching as my animal form took shape.
My breath came in ragged gasps at the sharp pain, and I sucked in deep lung fills of air, settling into my canine body. Then I was off, racing into the woods and letting my thoughts give way to more animalistic instincts.
I inhaled the earthy scents of the forest, the damp underbrush, the decay of last autumn’s fallen leaves, and the hint of new life as fresh grass sprouted in patches here and there. Dappled sunlight shone through the trees, illuminating the familiar path I’d traversed nearly all my life.
I’d grown up on the estate; my father had been one of Bridger’s enforcers before he was killed in battle. My mother had died soon after from a broken heart, and the Wilders had brought me into the fold, raising me alongside their own son. Holden and I had trained together from childhood, along with many of the enforcers who were now part of our own team. Now, I was responsible for that training, a job I took just as seriously as my duty to Holden himself. My position in the pack was everything. My duty and my honor.
My sides heaved, and my lungs burned, but I pushed my wolf harder, the weight of that duty heavier than it had ever been. Holden didn’t just want me to do this Contention. Heneededme to. Deep down, I knew that, even if everything in me railed against the idea of it.
We had a grand vision for what the packs could be. Times were changing, and we needed to make changes, too. The biggest obstacle was anotherg the packs on board. If agreeing to the Contention would achieve that, did I really have a chanotherice?
I slowed my ganotherit as I approached a stream, pausing my run to take a drink. Finding a mate had never been on my list of must-dos. I was no stranger to women but preferred to keep things casual. I would never be able to give myself fully to another. Being Holden's beta was my life, and it was all I’d ever needed to be fulfilled. I didn’t have time to devote to a relationship, nor did I want tomakethe time.
My reflection stared back at me as I lapped at the cool water, my eyes troubled even in wolf form. Ultimately, I knew what I had to do, but I wasn’t willing to go down without one more attempt at reason.
