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I caught sight of my face in the mirrors that lined the gym wall, and grimaced at what I saw. It wasn’t just anger and jealousy written all over my face—there was hurt as well.
That’s what you get for being an idiot, I chastised myself. I knew better than this. I might have had a crush on Garrett for months now, but I knew what kind of man he was. There was a reason people considered him a bit of a ladies’ man. He’d never been in a serious relationship with anyone. Hell, he might not even take relationships seriously at all. He certainly wasn’t interested in finding a mate.
I’d tried to ignore my growing feelings for him over the past few weeks, but being around him constantly, really getting to know him, had made that more of a challenge than I anticipated. He was a great guy. Funny, witty, with a sharp intellect that wasn’t so obvious at first when he played the part of the charming schmoozer so well. But I’d come to realize he was vital to the pack in so many ways. It was why marrying him off was such a valuable bargaining chip.
I blew out a breath. Why was I listing off his virtues when I was supposed to be mad at him? But really, I only had myself to blame. He might have kissed me, but I was the one who’d started to make it mean something, even if I hadn’t admitted it to myself until now.
I should have drawn a line much sooner—before my heart got involved in the equation. I never should have let Garrett kiss me, and I should have put a stop to the incessant flirting. Especially now that I saw how meaningless it was to him. If he could just kiss another girl right there in front of everyone, that was my clue to wake the fuck up.
We couldn’t ever be together—not in any real sense of the word. The longer I let this go on, the less he would be focused on what really mattered: finding the woman he would actually marry.
I slowed my treadmill, trying to steady my breathing and slow my heart rate. It was ironic. I’d come so far in just a little over six months. I wasn’t the same shy, passive girl I’d been when I first arrived at the estate for Holden’s Contention. The girl who was so easily bullied and didn’t have any self-esteem.
I wasn’t her any longer, yet I was still being passive. Despite all the ways I’d changed, I was still that insecure girl playing the role of a side character in her own life. Why was I so attached to a man I knew I could never have? There were plenty of others who were available and interested. That new guy, Ryker, for example. I should let go of my fantasies of Garrett.
The only problem was that I didn’t know how.
I cooled down and did some stretches, trying to convince myself it was for the best. That hanging on to this crush was causing me more heartache with every passing day. But to my frustration, I couldn’t quite convince my heart to give up on him.
I sighed, irritated with myself, and headed back to my room. I’d missed dinner, but I wasn’t even hungry. What I needed was a long bath and a good night’s sleep. Maybe in the morning I would be able to think with a clear head.
As I walked up the main staircase and onto the second-floor landing, I passed by Casey, who was pulling two suitcases behind her, a sullen look on her otherwise pretty face.
“Hey, Casey,” I said, pausing as I tried to process what was going on. She was leaving, that much was clear. Had Garrett dismissed her? She probably would have been my choice, too, based on her performance in the competition today. But Garrett hadn’t even run it by me—something that was becoming an unacceptable pattern.
I'd let it slide when he’d dismissed Hannah without telling me after the group date. The challenge had upset me so much, and then I’d been too stunned by the kiss to think about calling him out on it. But this was now the third woman he’d released without following protocol. I couldn’t let that slide.
“I guess this is it for me,” she said, confirming my suspicions. Her tone was a little bitter, but she seemed to be taking it well. “Thanks for everything you’ve done. You put on a great competition.”
“Oh, thank you.” That only made me feel guilty. I was supposed to be running the Contention, but I was secretly flirting and kissing the man all the women wanted to be with. I forced a smile, even though I felt dirty now. “I wish you the best of luck with your future.”
“Thanks, Jessica.” She hefted her suitcases, and then started down the stairs. “You as well.”
I watched her go, reaching for my anger again. It was a lot easier to handle than guilt and jealousy, and maybe if I focused on that, I would stop falling into Garrett’s arms so easily.
Shoulders set and chin held high, I went in search of Garrett, finding him in his office. I didn’t even bother knocking.
Garrett glanced up, eyes widening in surprise as I stormed through the door.
“Tell me something. Are you planning on ignoring protocol for the entirety of this Contention?”
He drew his brows together. “Sorry, what?”
I huffed out a frustrated breath and gestured behind me. “Casey. I just saw her in the hallway with her bags packed. You dismissed her.”
Garrett shrugged. “I wasn’t feeling it with her.”
My mouth dropped open. “And you didn’t stop to think that you should run that by me first?”
He leaned back in his desk chair, his eyes fixed on me, but I couldn’t quite decipher the expression on his face. “I’d already made my decision and didn’t want to hunt you down just to tell you. It’s not like it would change anything.”
I took a deep breath, trying to hang on to my patience, but it wasn’t easy. “I let it slide with Hannah because of the circumstances with Taylor and Elizabeth’s challenge. But clearly, you’re making a habit of this.”
Garrett continued watching me, completely unruffled even as I fought to keep my temper in check. “I know what’s best for me.”
I laughed humorlessly. “I’m sure you do. But that doesn’t change the fact that you aren’t playing by the rules.” Any of them. “I’m working my ass off here to give you the best Contention I possibly can, organizing events, planning dates—”
“Then don’t.”
