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I glance back to Lily, her eyes still fixed ahead, unblinking.Come on, Lily. Look up at me. Give me the go sign.
She’s too trapped to be able. She’s terrified, and uncomfortable.She looks like Anika did sometimes when Neil sat next to her on the couch.
I’ve traveled this route a hundred, maybe two hundred times. I know every bump and hitch along the way, and this next stop crosses over a pretty old intersection in need of some serious street repair. I time it just right, falling forward and slamming my hand down on this asshole’s thigh as I fake falling forward. My fingers dig in, giving him a hard squeeze, and when I pop my head up our eyes meet. At first, he looks pissed, but after a beat he must see the rage in my eyes. My jaw flexes and I glance to his right, where Lily has taken this opportunity to create more room. When I return my glare to him, I arch a brow and keep my mouth in a hard line. If I open it, about a million different insults are going to fly at his face along with my fist. His Adam’s apple dips with a hard swallow and my lip ticks up on one side. As more people file into the train, he gets up and moves to the other end and I take the seat next to Lily.
The stop lasts about a minute, the T filling every remaining spot. We’ll lose people at the stops ahead as we enter the financial district. Lily and I will probably be the last two to get off. I plan on stalking Mr. Touchy Feely until he departs, and if I didn’t have somewhere to be, I might get off with him and follow him to work to let his employer know the kind of man he is.
I’m not sure when Lily started staring at me. I only feel it now and turn my head enough to meet her waiting eyes. For a second, she looks the way she did in the pool after I scooped her up from the bottom, tired and confused, but color is starting to touch her stark cheeks again. She blinks, and my heart kicks so hard in my chest that it feels like a stab wound from the inside.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
I glance down to her mouth in time to see it form the faintest of smiles. My eyes flit back up to meet hers, the weight of what happened evident in their glossiness and slope. I nod and loosen my jaw enough to soften my mouth and try to smile.
We both look away at the same time. That’s not the kind of thing I want to sayyou’rewelcomefor. I shouldn’t have had to do it at all. What I really feel the need to do is apologize.
The whole thing made this morning feel more stressful somehow. I feel it, my blood on a constant simmer and my pulse finding it hard to slow. I’m sure Lily is rattled. She’s been twisting my sister’s bracelet around her wrist nonstop since I sat next to her. She’s loosened her death grip on her bag, though, and she no longer looks as though she’s about to faint.
Our train stops at Copley, and I stand. Lily follows, but I don’t want to lose her in the crowd again so I hold my arm out to keep her from passing me while the rest of the train’s passengers file out. Once the crowd thins, I lead us through the station and up to the street level. Maybe I should have let her drive. Perhaps next time. I’m not sure either of us can handle another morning like this.
“It’s only a block south. We’re even early.” I turn to face her, dropping both hands in my pockets. It’s warmed up since we left Welles, the crispness gone from the air. Another month and this trip will be colored with fall leaves. That was always Anika’s favorite.
“Come on,” I say, returning some lightness to the mood between us. Funny how I wanted to build nothing but walls and tension between us only a week ago.
We make it to the building with fifteen minutes to spare. I’m about to ask Lily if she wants to grab a bite on the corner before we head in when her body slams into mine and her arms surround my entire body. My hands are stunned still in my pockets as she squeezes me. For some reason, I laugh. Not in a cruel way, but more surprised. I almost sound happy, and when Lily steps back, her cheeks are apple red but she’s smiling, too, and avoiding direct eye contact.
She scans around us, then points to the double glass doors painted withTheAffiliatelogo. She skips up the few steps that lead to them and I trail behind, a strange numbness traveling around my body and arms. I don’t mind the feeling, and as I draw in a full breath I realize how tight I’ve been tethering myself inside. I let the door close between us before I catch up to her, and in that moment I mutter, “You’re welcome.”
That hug? That was her saying thank you again. Not for taking care of that jerk on the train, either. But for finally being fucking human.
Chapter13
Lily
Ifeel like I stepped off the Gravitron ride from our state fair after spinning in it for thirty minutes straight. I wouldn’t say I’m completely dizzy, but I’m definitely buzzing with some strange energy.
In the span of a thirty-minute train ride, I went from feeling smothered and afraid to having my lungs drunk with oxygen and my heart skipping with life. Not because Theo stepped in to defend my honor or anything like that. I was about ten seconds from throwing my elbow and hitting that dick dead center in the chest when Theo stepped in and basically did it for me. It’s that Theo saved me from making a scene. I wasn’t afraid to defend myself. I was dreading the heat of everyone’s glare—the confrontation and ensuing attention. The probable applause that would only increase the chatter about how strong I am.
The hero status has gone quiet in the last few days. I want it to go quiet. Less talk about the river and me and my roommates. Theo saved me from the Welles gossip storm.
But it was more than that. He also shed some of that armor for me, giving me a glimpse of the guy I was really falling for before our world tilted its axis.
Of course, now that I hugged him like a third grader hugs an amusement park character, I feel completely awkward standing here next to him inTheAffiliateconference room. It doesn’t help that I’m wearing a schoolgirl uniform while he’s dressed like he belongs here. I can’t stop fidgeting, and I’m rocking on my feet nervously, something I don’t think I’ve ever done before, which would be fine except that the strap for my bag jingles every time I sway.
“Relax,” Theo says, leaning into me. He’s so close, and all I can think about is hugging him downstairs on the street. Like he’s Santa.
“Lily,” he breathes my name. I flinch and blink to look to my side and meet his eyes.
“Huh?”
My eyes feel like they’re bugging out. Theo is trying to hold in a laugh. He’s cute this way—kind?
Are we over guilt and grudges? Am I allowed to go back to thinking he’s the cutest boy I’ve ever seen? Would Anika be okay with that?
“Breathe,” he says, finally letting a quiet chuckle slip from his mouth and coaxing nervous laughter from my lips, too.
“Sorry, I feel a little . . . out of place.” I give him a crooked smile and pull my skirt out to one side as I glance down.
“It’s not as bad as you think it is.”
