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I drop my eyes and keep my mouth shut, but I’ve already opened things up, and I can feel his eyes on me, the warmth of him as he gets closer. The coward in me wants to shrink away and run, but that would only make things worse because he’d chase me. I know that now. He’d chase me, and the punishment for running would be so much worse than if I stayed. A tendril of heat curls through me at the idea, but I ignore it and my traitorous body. Now is not the time.
“You have anything else to add? Anything you didn’t say in front of dear old daddy?” He almost spits in my face, he’s so close now. I can smell mint on his breath and feel his heat so close. It takes all of my willpower not to melt into him. Beg forgiveness, offer him anything he wants if he doesn’t just walk away from me right now and decide I’m not worth the effort.
He buries his face against my neck, and I squeeze my eyes closed as my heart sprints toward my rib cage. As he breathes me in, I do the same for him. Spicy and sweet at the same time. I lick my lips, dragging my bottom one in with my teeth. When he touches me, I lose control over myself, and I need to be able to stand here against his rage and not flinch, or he’ll never trust me with it again. Never trust himself with me again.
I wrap my hands up, one over the back of his shoulder, the other around the curve at the nape of his neck. He leans in and pulls me toward him by my dress, his big hands fisted, one on either side. The way he grips me only throws gas on the fire that’s a slow simmer in my gut. I’m already growing wet thinking about what he could do to me. How he would use me. How he would punish me. And I don’t know if it’s wrong. Or if it makes me a bad person, but I want it. All of it. I want his marks on my skin, teeth, hands, all of it.
Legally, I belong to him now, and I want the whole world to be able to see evidence of it. If his name is carved in deep, no one will be able to take that away from me. He’ll be mine just as much as I’m his.
“If you need this,” I whisper against his neck. “If you need this, I can handle it. I can handle anything you need. You can let yourself go.”
He shakes his head over and over, but I can only feel his chin scuffing against my collarbone. “No. I can’t let myself go because I’ll hurt you. Everything between us can’t be about my anger and pain.”
I swallow the urge to beg. “What about my anger? What about my pain? Can it be about that? Give me this. Take my mind off my father so that all I’m thinking about is you.”
His hands squeeze tighter, so his fingers dig into my waist, and the dress bunches between his hands and my body. “Don’t tempt me like this, Malyshka. I’ll hurt you. I can’t live with myself if I hurt you.”
I repeat the words I said to him before. The ones that still echo in my head when he looks at me. “If you need to hurt me, then hurt me. I can take it. More so, I want it. So much of the pain, the sex, the fear in my life has been about hurting me to see me break. To see me bend over and give in. But with you, it’s different. You don’t hurt me to break me. You hurt me to set me free, and I feel it in my bones. Please. Don’t make me beg you. I will if that’s what you want, but please…”
His head, lips, and his mouth come down on mine hard. He brings his hands up to cup my face to keep me still while his tongue thrusts between my lips. It’s abrupt and brutal, and I love every second of it.
I go for his bowtie while he controls the kiss. The taste of him, the way he steers my face, using my head to steer my body at the same time, floods my system with the oblivion I’m craving.
Something has changed. The need for his touch is like a beat in my blood. Every pass of his fingers sends more moisture to my core. My pussy is already drenched, and he hasn’t even taken my clothes off yet.
When he breaks the kiss, I’m dizzy and barely standing on my own two legs. All I can do is stare into his eyes.
