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“It’s not. I’m trying to be realistic.”
He wished she wouldn’t, because he wanted them to declare their love for each other and promise that the distance wouldn’t be an issue – that no matter what, they’d figure out a way to be together.
“I have to think of what’s best for Ellie,” Beth said.
He nodded, fighting the urge to plead his case. The thought of them parting was bad enough without them leaving on a sour note. All he could do was hope that if he gave her space, things would work out in the end.
She lifted his arm to check his watch, and the flash of sorrow in her eyes gave him hope that this was as hard for her as it was for him.
“I have to get moving.” She propped herself on her elbow to kiss him. “Can we make this morning as painless as possible?”
Sitting up, he cocked an eyebrow. “As long as that doesn’t mean me not coming to the airport with you.”
“Considering I have luggage and a five-year-old to deal with, I’m definitely not going to refuse you coming to the airport.”
“What did you mean then?”
“I was talking to myself really.” She rubbed her hands over her face. “And I wish I knew what I meant. I don’t know how to make this painless. Saying goodbye to you already hurts and I haven’t done it yet.”
He kissed the side of her head. “Let’s get breakfast and take it from there.”
* * *
The morning passed in a blur. Beth was acutely aware that she was rivalling her daughter with her ability to make inane conversation. Anything to avoid facing the reality of leaving. Their summer holiday had gone so fast, but those final couple of hours felt excruciatingly slow. Waiting to leave was unbearable, and she found herself wishing to be on the plane just so she could stop dreading the moment she had to say goodbye to Trystan.
Even saying goodbye to Mirren was heart-wrenching. Beth was too emotional to express her gratitude properly and only managed a quick but heartfelt thank you as they embraced. She promised she’d be in touch, then switched her focus to getting Ellie and their bags out of the door.
Trystan drove them around to the airport in the golf buggy, and Ellie excitedly pointed out the plane coming in to land as they pulled up.
“This is horrible,” Beth said once their suitcase had been checked in. Her hand was shaking as she slipped it into Trystan’s. She looked over at the door to the boarding area. “I think we have to go.”
He walked over with them, then scooped Ellie into his arms. “Give me the biggest squeeze you can manage,” he told her with a smile. “Harder than that,” he said when she hugged him. They both laughed when he pretended to choke. Shifting her onto his right arm, he drew Beth into a hug.
Holding him tightly, she couldn’t think of anything to say. The only thing which sprang to mind was to tell him that she loved him. The words were on the tip of her tongue, but she was terrified of saying them out loud. Declaring her love for him wasn’t going to make getting back to real life any easier. How could she be in love with him anyway, when she’d known him for such a short time? It was like she’d told him; they were on holiday, which made everything easy and heightened their feelings. But it wasn’t real.
“Let me know when you’re home safely,” Trystan said, releasing his grip on her and setting Ellie down.
“I will.”
“Promise? Message me as soon as you’re home.”
“Promise.” She let her lips linger against his when he kissed her goodbye, then she shepherded Ellie away and willed herself not to cry.
CHAPTERTWENTY-SEVEN
The first few days back at home were a bit of a haze. Between unpacking and washing and buying school supplies and visiting her dad, Beth managed to ignore the ache in her chest fairly effectively. At least during the daytime. Once Ellie was in bed in the evening and she sat down to the deafening silence of the house, she missed Trystan with an intensity that was hard to block out. That was when she was most tempted to call him.
They hadn’t had any contact since she’d left. Guilt niggled at her that she hadn’t messaged him to let him know they’d arrived home safely as she’d promised. Instead, she’d messaged Mirren to let her know they were home and thanked her again for a wonderful summer.
Adjusting to it just being the two of them was hard, and made more difficult by Ellie’s frequent questions about when they’d see Trystan again – and Mirren and Kit.
Ellie’s first day back at school gave Beth a break from the questions, but it wasn’t long before having so much time to herself bothered her far more than Ellie’s questions ever did. It also reminded her that she needed to figure out what she was going to do for a job.
The first day back at school left Ellie worn out and irritable. From the moment Beth collected her, everything was wrong. After making the wrong dinner and serving it on the wrong plate, Beth sent Ellie up to play in her room, hoping it would give them both some respite.
She was emotionally drained when her phone rang, but the sight of Mirren’s smiling face when she answered the video call perked her right up.
“You don’t mind me calling, do you?” Mirren asked, once they’d got the greetings out of the way. “I kept thinking of Ellie going back to school today and wondered how she’d got on.”
