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“No. Spill it. You came back looking like you just broke up with your boyfriend and begging off talking about it.”
“It’s been killing you waiting to ask me that, hasn’t it?” I ask.
“Yes, but I did it because I’m a good friend who knew you needed time. It’s been almost a week. I need the details.” She grabs one of the foldout tables, and I grab the other.
“I never lied, but I did leave out some of what happened on my final day with New. You know I kissed him, but I didn’t tell you he did more than kiss me back.”
“Oh my god. Was New your first?” She whispers.
“No. I would’ve told you if things had gone that far. He went down on me until I could no longer form sentences or move. Then he held me and kissed me so sweetly, I thought it was the beginning of the relationship I had always dreamed of having with him.”
“I can’t believe he did that. What a piece of shit. I always knew the level of hurt you carried was more than a failed kiss. What could he possibly have said for himself the other night?”
“That he wanted more than he could let me give. He knew being together would keep me anchored to town and him.”
“You’re blushing.”
“The things he said were absolutely filthy.” I shiver, remembering his blue eyes' intense expression and how his body quivered with tension flowing through it. I liked the possessive tone his voice had taken on. My body had lit up like Christmas tree lights, and the old dynamics began to creep back in. I’d never trusted another man the way I had with New. I’d come close with James, only to have him betray me in the worst way.
“You still want him,” Fey whispers as we move to our designated slot at the festival to set up our booth.
“Attraction doesn’t care about consent.” I voice the thought I replay in my head as his presence turns my panties into a flood zone.
“Do you think he was lying—.”
“No. New’s many things, but a liar has never been one of them. He’d be the first to jump in line to screw himself over if he thought it meant protecting others he cared about.” It was completely misguided but spoke to the depths of his feelings for me. After the fallout, he bore my scorn and everyone’s anger to save me from myself. I’ve always struggled with people pleasing. I would’ve been consumed by his wants and responsibilities. I hate him for knowing the younger version of myself.
“Your anger isn’t burning as bright.”
Grunting, I unfold the table, and we push them together. “I don’t know what to say or think. He filled in many blanks and showed me I hadn’t been wrong about who he was all that time. Yes, it was a stupid way to handle things. But he was a kid too. Still, he devastated me.”
“How do you want to move forward?” Fey asks.
“I don’t know.” I shake my head. “How can I answer that without betraying myself? I spent so many years hating him for what he did. How can I just swallow all that?” Sighing, I shake my head as we return to the truck and grab chairs and table cloths.
“You think the damage is irreparable?” Fey’s green eyes round like quarters.
“Shouldn’t it be?” I whisper.
“I think nothing is black or white, and the two of you have always had an incredible bond. The connection was muted for years but not broken. That was clear to anyone with eyes back at the bar.”
“What do you mean?” I whisper, unfolding the chairs and pushing them in.
She snaps the plastic tablecloth out in the wind, and I catch the fluttering end. “The energy flowing between you was so potent I could practically see it crackle. I’ve never seen New look that possessive or feral over anything.” Fey shakes her head.
“Oh, come on.”
“And you didn’t seem to mind.
“I was trying to break free,” I protest as we settle the table cloth over the tables and smooth it down.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me you weren’t partially turned on by his manhandling.”
“I’ve had a two-year dry spell, and he’s built as hell. That’s just physical response.”
“Do you really think that?”
“I have to,” I whisper forlornly.
