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And I hate that I did this. Inflicted him with this level of fear. Fractured the trust he has in me. Created doubt that I will stay.
I want to stay. For as long as he will have me, I want to stay.
“Sorry I freaked out. Sorry I didn’t say anything right away.” He tugs me into his lap and shifts his hold. Shakes his head as he burrows into my chest. “Sorry I froze.”
I lay my cheek on his head, close my eyes and comb my fingers through his dark locks. “This isn’t all you, so don’t you dare try to take all the blame.” My arms circle his shoulders and head. Cradle him in my hold. “I’m just as guilty. I shouldn’t have packed my bags and jumped in the car.” My lips press to his hair. “But I wasn’t thinking. Not clearly.”
Nose buried in my hair, Devlyn inhales deeply. On the exhale, he leans back and frames my face in his hands. “This is scary, for both of us, but I know we’ll get through it.” He lowers my lips to his and kisses me with newfound tenderness. “I love you, Shelly.”
Tears sting the backs of my eyes. An emotional ball grows thick in my throat. I lift my hands to his cheeks, cup either side of his jaw, and stroke his cheekbones with my thumbs. “I love you, too,” I choke out.
Time creeps by, our tea cools on the table, but neither of us move. For now, I simply want to breathe him in. Want to let all the madness from earlier fall away. Want to feel his arms and warmth blanket me in love. Want to give the news of us becoming parents a moment to seep in.
Pregnant. Me. The woman that plans all the big moments in her life. The woman that makes five-year plans and intends to stick to them. I am pregnant.Weare pregnant. This was definitely not in the five-year plan. Finding love was in the plan, but not becoming a mother.
My mind drifts to the piece of paper pinned to the wall in my apartment bedroom. My current five-year plan. The biggest thing on the list… purchasing Petal and Vine from Elizabeth.
Oh, god.
I close my eyes and sink deep inside myself. Try to steady my rapid-fire pulse with steady breaths. Clear the worrisome thoughts invading my head.
Elizabeth won’t be upset about the pregnancy. Knowing her, she will rejoice at having another baby to spoil. Be excited that her own grandchild will soon have a playmate. But her happiness won’t erase the guilt holding me hostage daily as I delay her retirement. Something she has looked forward to for the past two years.
Will I still be able to purchase Petal and Vine when the time comes? Will I be able to run a business with a newborn in my arms or on my hip? It’s silly to think such things. Plenty of women and families manage this all the time. But maybe they planned ahead. Had all their ducks in a row before the pregnancy test came back positive.
Then my thoughts drift to Autumn and Clementine. Autumn’s first pregnancy was a surprise. In a matter of months, she wasn’t just a pregnant mother with an absentee father, she’d also been kicked out of her home. Abandoned in every way imaginable. Her family had been that cruel.
But she kept going. Never gave up. Moved forward and persevered. Found a place to live and got a job she loved. Thrived when some might fall. And if she can overcome such heavy obstacles—struggles much worse than the possible ones I will face—then I can do this.Wecan do this.
“You’re so quiet,” Devlyn whispers against my skin.
I shift off his lap, pick up my mug and sip the now cool tea, then take his hand. “Just thinking.”
“About?”
Everything. “How much this will change our future.”
He nods, then tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “True.” Glass-green irises lock on my blues while his thumb leisurely strokes my cheek. “But I know we’ll make it work.”
“How?”
For a beat, his eyes drop to my lips before meeting mine again. “I just know.” He shrugs. “With you, I believe anything is possible.” I raise my brows in question. “Shelly, I have been through hell. In more ways than one.” He takes my hand in his, pulls it to his lap and strokes my skin. Slow and steady. His eyes on the movement. “The first round was young love gone astray. Although it sent me in a downward spiral, I’m grateful it happened. Without that loss, I wouldn’t appreciate and love you the way I do.”
“And the other?”
He sucks in a deep breath and speaks on the exhale. “That hell is still ongoing.”
“Your mom?”
He nods. “Yeah. Not sure what to do about her.” He shrugs and looks off in the distance. “Things with her… it’s been brewing a long time.” His chest expands as he takes a deep breath. “I don’t want my past with her to affect our relationship or the baby.” He trails the pad of his thumb over my knuckles. “Maybe I should talk to someone again. Get advice from a professional or someone who’s been in a similar situation.”
I squeeze his hand and he brings his attention back to me. “If that’s what you want, what you need, I’ll support you.” I huff out a laugh. “Heck, maybe I should talk to someone.” His eyes narrow. “About pregnancy. Motherhood. How to keep moving forward without feeling like I’m pulling everyone under.”
“Shelly…”
The backs of my eyes sting and I hate how I am already so emotional. “Well, it’s how I feel.” I shrug. “Like I’m letting Elizabeth down.” Tears well in my eyes. I take a deep breath and try to hold them at bay. “I’m supposed to buy the shop from her after this year.” My jaw wobbles back and forth. “How will I be able to do that now? How will I run a business with a baby?”
“Hey,” he says, voice barely above a whisper. “We’ll figure it out. All of it.” He chuckles and I look up. “Maybe I’ll need to learn how to run a florist shop too.” I furrow my brows. “So you’re not doing it alone.” He presses a chaste kiss to my lips. “Because you aren’t alone, Shelly.” Another kiss. “Ever.”
