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Guess I wonder how a person can listen to other people’s problems all day, every day, and not feel overwhelmed or ready to crawl out of their skin. How do they sleep at night after digesting all the trauma or heartache?
They are saviors. True miracle workers.
On the couch beside me, Devlyn bounces his knee uncontrollably. His fingers pick at the exposed threads in the distressed part of his jeans. Every few seconds, his eyes land on the edge of my profile.
His nervous energy is palpable, comprehensible. Although we are honest with each other, tonight, in this place, sharing himself with me is different. A new level of vulnerability for us both. Devlyn is familiar with Dr. Prince. Has shared countless secrets with him. More than likely, secrets he has yet to share with me. That fact doesn’t hurt. My hope is that after today—and future sessions—Devlyn won’t feel uncomfortable sharing painful parts of the past with me. That I gain a new level of trust with Devlyn. Strong enough for him to consider me his safe space in all matters.
Arm extended across the table, Dr. Prince offers me his hand. “Nice to finally meet you, Shelly.” His smile is kind, warm, sincere. His expression gentle and soothing as he waits for me to take his hand.
Placing my hand in his, we shake. His grip is firm yet soft. Solid yet gentle. “You as well. Devlyn speaks highly of you.”
We sit back in our seats. I rest a hand on Devlyn’s leg and he takes my hand in his, lacing our fingers as his bouncing knee settles. Dr. Prince takes a sip of water, then picks up a notepad and a pen. He scribbles on the paper for a moment, his eyes occasionally peeking up at us. Observing us. Making note of Devlyn’s reaction to me and mine with him.
His observation doesn’t unsettle me. This is part of his job, not just to listen but to also survey. I will say his perception of us has me curious.
“How’ve things been since our last appointment, Devlyn?”
I turn my head slightly, enough to get a better view of him but not look at him directly. He nibbles at his lips as he mulls over his answer.
“Good.” He shrugs. “The baby shower was this past weekend.” He looks at me briefly and gives my hand a squeeze. “Was nice, but overwhelming.”
“Overwhelming how?”
His knee starts to bounce again. I stroke my thumb in a slow rhythm over his hand and, after a beat, his leg calms. Dr. Prince jots something on the notepad then meets my eyes, smiles, and returns his attention to Devlyn.
Devlyn laughs under his breath. “Not like I didn’t know the baby was coming, but after the party, it just felt more real. Y’know?” His fingers toy with mine. “Plus, we got so many gifts for the baby.” Green irises meet mine for a breath. A nervous smile on his lips. “I didn’t expect that much… love.”
I watch as Devlyn’s brows pinch together, his eyes narrowing as he drops them to stare at his lap.
In this very moment, I see so much, but one thing stands out the most. Devlyn feels undeserving of this level of love. He feels unworthy of affection from other people.
And it pisses me off.
As if sensing my irritation, Dr. Prince directs his focus my way. “Shelly, tell me what you’re thinking right now.”
Spotlight, party of one.
My eyes linger on Devlyn’s profile a moment before I turn to look across the table. I lick my lips, swallow past the anxiety ball in my throat, and tighten my hold on Devlyn. “I hate that she did this to him.”
Dr. Prince tilts his head. “His mother?” I nod. “Take a deep breath and let the anger pass. Then, when you’re ready, I want you to expand on that.”
I do as he suggests and take a deep breath. Then another. And another. One breath at a time, I feel my pulse settle and the pang in my chest dissipate. “When it comes to Karen Templar, I can’t seem to keep my emotions at bay. I apologize.”
“No need to apologize. There is no judgment here.”
With one last deep breath, I continue. “Devlyn and I became friends in October. We’d met in passing a year earlier through work, but it wasn’t until this past October that we spoke and interacted.” I grab my water bottle, twist the lid off and take a sip. “It took time and effort for Devlyn to open himself up. To let me in. Partly due to a past relationship gone sour.” I turn to lock on Devlyn’s soft green eyes. “But another piece was because he’d never really been shown love. Not real love.” I return my gaze to Dr. Prince and press the heel of my hand to my chest. “And that hurts on so many levels.”
The backs of my eyes sting as the words leave my lips. But I bite them back. I don’t know if my body is overreacting because my hormones are out of whack or if I’d feel the urge to cry normally. Right now, all my body wants is to release. Heartache. Pain. Love. All for the man at my side that holds my hand like a life preserver.
“Shelly, your feelings toward Devlyn’s mother are natural and reasonable.” Dr. Prince shifts his attention to Devlyn, but continues to speak to me. “I don’t know how much Devlyn has told you about his mother, but we have been working through the harder parts of his past.” His gentle eyes meet mine again. “It will take time, but I hope the both of you are able to heal from this. That one day, you’ll be able to not give so much of your energy to someone undeserving.”
For the remainder of the hour, we discuss how the healing process is going with Devlyn and his father, and what my feelings are in relation to James. With each new interaction, I grow fonder of James. He hasn’t told me his entire story, but from what he has shared and what Devlyn has told me, he felt trapped for years. Not because of Devlyn, but because he didn’t trust his wife to raise Devlyn without him present. He wanted to escape with Devlyn, but didn’t know how to safely.
But James smiles more now. The gentleness in Devlyn is equally visible in James. Excitement vibrates off James as each day passes and we get closer to the arrival of his first grandchild.
I trust the Templar men will slowly heal and become whole again. Put the harsh years of the past behind them and move forward. Both have so much love in their hearts and it’d be a shame for them not to share it with others.
Minutes before the session ends, Dr. Prince gives us homework. Before the next appointment, which I have been asked to attend, Devlyn and I are to spend time in the nursery. Whether it is unpackaging gifts and finding them a new home or building the crib or just sitting in the room. We are to spend time in the room and just feel. Fill the room with love. Talk to the baby while in the room. Get used to the idea of having more than just the two of us in the house.
