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For a moment, I watch the three of them. Revel in their smiles and sweet talk. Relish the ease of this new change in their lives. Envy how simple Cora makes motherhood look, although I’ve heard the struggles she experienced.
My best friend may be new to parenting, but she does it like a pro. She isn’t back to working full-time, but has taken a couple of small, scenic jobs this month. Her way of easing back into the norm at her own pace. Outdoor photo shoots of places and not people. That way, she can bring Clara along and not worry.
“It’s not ideal, but I’d like to have lunch with all of us. At least for a few minutes,” I say as I start carrying the bags to the back. Cora and Elizabeth exchange a look of concern. “I’ll set things up at the table. We should be able to hear the bell if anyone comes in.”
Before either of them gets a word in, I step into the office-slash-break room and set the bags down. One by one, I pull out the food boxes and set them on the table. Get everything in place. Ready for them to stuff their mouths while I confess my pregnancy and beg for advice.
I peek my head around the doorframe and spot Cora and Elizabeth fawning over Clara. Warmth spreads in my chest at the sight.
Later this year, that will be me and Devlyn.
Tears sting the backs of my eyes, but I blink them away before they well and fall. I inhale deeply in an attempt to settle the nerves fluttering in my belly. “Ready when you are,” I say.
Cora parks Clara back in the stroller before she and Elizabeth wander into the break room. I point out their places at the table on either side of mine. We take our seats and open the boxes. Elizabeth dives into her pad thai while Cora bites down on a spring roll. The moment their mouths are full, I open mine.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out.
To no surprise, both of them go into coughing fits. Okay, so waiting until they had their mouths full was abadidea. I thought it would be a great way to keep them from screaming or squealing or blurting out words I’m not prepared to hear. Obviously, the method to madness is actual madness. Oops.
After a few hard slaps to the chest and half a bottle of water later, Cora’s skin looks a little less red and blotchy. Elizabeth continues to cough, but at least it’s calming down.
“Sorry,” I say on a wince.
Cora lays a hand on mine and shakes her head. “Don’t apologize,” she croaks out, then coughs to clear her throat more. “I knew something was up, but I didn’t think it was that.”
“But you said…” I furrow my brows. “At the hospital yesterday…” I drop my gaze to her box of garlic tofu. “You were joking…”
Why the hell can I not finish a damn thought aloud?
“Shell, itwasa joke.” She squeezes my hand and I lift my line of sight back to hers. “With Clara born only months ago, Ryker yesterday… I would’ve said it to Peyton, but I know she and Micah aren’t planning to have kids.” She shakes her head subtly. “Shell, I didn’t mean anything by it.” Concern mars her forehead. “Is that why you ran from the room? Why you disappeared?”
“Not just from what you said.” I shake my head. “But it kind of sent me into a thought spiral. Before I knew it, I felt nauseous. So I ran for the bathroom.”
The three of us sit at the table as I recant the rest of the evening and earlier this morning. My initial shocked state and Devlyn’s after the call from the hospital. My moment of panic when Devlyn froze. How I thought that he didn’t want to do this, that he couldn’t do this. Be together. Have a baby. Any of it.
And then I tell them when the moment of realization hit. While I sat on the side of the road and cried until it struck me what I’d done. That I just got in my car and left. That I ignored Devlyn as he hollered for me to stay. Then when I turned around and drove back, how I found him in the driveway. Cold and shaking and in full crisis mode.
That was the second time I found Devlyn curled in on himself. I pray it is the last.
He looked so scared. In pain. And in that moment, I hated the spontaneous choice I’d made. Getting in my car and leaving had been irrational and juvenile. To just walk away without talking more, without listening…
I will never do that again. To him or us.
The bell rings out front and Elizabeth rises from her chair. “I’ll be back.” She bends and kisses my crown. “Keep talking, sweetheart.”
Not a second after Elizabeth leaves the room, Cora rises from her chair, yanks me from mine, and pulls me into the tightest hug. “I don’t know how you expect me to feel, Shell.” She loosens her hold and inches back to look me in the eye. “But I’m happy for you.” The corners of her lips turn up as she smiles brightly. “Things may be crazy for a bit, but you will be an amazing mother.”
I purse my lips as my brows shoot up. “You say that now, but this gal”—I point to myself—“is freaking out. A lot.”
She drops her hold on me and we park ourselves back in the chairs. Cora spears a piece of broccoli and tofu while I stab curried chicken. For a moment, we sit in amicable silence. We eat lunch like we would any other day. Me and Cora. Two best friends spending time together.
“I freaked out too,” Cora says after a few bites. “Ask Gavin. We’d been back together barely two years. Irrational as it was, I thought he might leave again.” She laughs without humor. “Although we were happy—are happy—I thought an unplanned pregnancy would send him away.” She shakes her head, her eyes glassy. “But it didn’t, Shell. He was so happy. So damn happy. I’d never seen him light up like that. It was that look, that one moment… I knew we’d be okay.” Setting her fork down, she reaches for my hand again. “And you will be too.”
I tighten my hold on her hand. “How can you be so sure?” I whisper-ask.
Her smile brightens the room. “Because he chased after you. Asked you not to leave. Cried in the driveway when you left. Then he opened his arms up again when you returned. He took you into the house and you talked. You made breakfast and plans.”
For the umpteenth time today, my eyes burn with the promise of tears. When I walked out Devlyn’s front door in a fit of anxiety, I was one step closer to messing all of this up. Ready to throw in the towel without giving him a chance. I didn’t get far, thank goodness. It’s almost as if fate intervened. As if something bigger than me stopped me from making a huge mistake.
