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It made him wish more than ever that Mia had felt comfortable telling him the entire story. If he knew what had happened with Paul, he might be able to say something to comfort her right now. Instead, all he could do was put his arm around her as they left the saloon, silently offering his support as they walked toward the gate where he’d parked his bike next to her truck.
“Wish we’d come together,” he said. “I’d rather have you behind me on the bike right now.”
They’d had an amazing ride out to where they’d started their river trip last weekend. They had planned to take a night ride through the desert tomorrow, but now he wasn’t sure she’d be up for any of the fun things they’d planned for this weekend. She looked like a different person from the vibrant, playful woman who had asked him to come live with her ten minutes ago, and Sawyer hated it. He hated that anyone had the power to steal Mia’s joy away, and to make him feel so powerless to protect her from the bad things in her past.
Mia smiled a thin smile. “Me too, but I shouldn’t leave the truck here. I might need to give Tulsi and Clem a ride home later. It’s more on my way than Gram’s so…”
Sawyer opened her door for her, wishing he could do something, anything to help her. “I’ll be right behind you, okay?”
Mia sighed. “Maybe you shouldn’t come, after all.”
“I want to be there,” Sawyer said, fingers tightening on the doorframe when she didn’t respond. “You just asked me to move in with you, Mia. I thought that meant you were done shutting me out.”
She looked up, a frown pulling at her face. “Let’s not have that discussion again. I’m not feeling up to it right now, and it’s…” She trailed off with an uncomfortable shrug.
“What?” Sawyer asked, jaw tensing. “Just say it.”
“It’s annoying,” she said, the words flooding out in a rush of breath. “There are some things I prefer to keep private, okay? I mean, after everything you’ve told me about Heather and the phone tapping, I don’t understand why you, of all people, can’t respect that.”
Sawyer didn’t say a word. He knew that she was lashing out at him because she was afraid, but that didn’t keep the frustration in her voice from hitting him in the chest, making his lungs ache. He hated fighting, especially when he’d done nothing wrong, but he wasn’t going to get angry and storm off. He was too worried about Mia to walk away, and he was grown up enough to know better than to indulge a knee-jerk emotional reaction.
At least not when it came to her.
“Fine,” he said, crossing his arms at his chest. “But I’m coming to your parents’ house with you. Whether you decide to invite me into the family pow-wow, or not, is up to you, but I’m sticking with you until you know what’s wrong. And don’t tell me you don’t need me, because that’s bullshit. From the look on your face, I’m guessing you can use all the support you can get.”
Mia wavered, frustration and embarrassment warring in her expression, but finally she sighed and stuck her key in the ignition. “Fine. I’ll see you there.”
“See you there,” Sawyer echoed, slamming her driver’s side door. He stood back. Unless he wanted a mouthful of grit, he’d have to wait for the dust to settle in the wake of the truck before he followed her, but he didn’t like watching Mia drive away.
It felt like this was more than a momentary parting. It felt like something that should have stayed buried had climbed out of its grave and was headed their way.
CHAPTERFOURTEEN
Mia’s headwas a hot mess.
She spent half the drive to her parents’ house stressing about all the things this meeting could be about other than Paul—someone could have cancer, her dad and Pike’s silent feud could have erupted into another outbreak of out-and-out war, the way it had when Pike bowed out of the All-Star game to come home for Mom and Dad’s thirtieth wedding anniversary. Dad could have decided to go on that big game safari to Africa he was always threatening to book, and Mom could have packed her bags to leave him, the way she threatened to do every time Dad brought up hunting with the lions.
Ever since Dad had transformed their failing cattle ranch into a prosperous weekend getaway for hunting enthusiasts, he had dreamt of hunting more exotic beasts than deer, ducks, and the occasional wild hog, and Mom had spent at least an hour a week talking him out of it.
The other half of the drive was spent remembering the flash of pain in Sawyer’s eyes when she’d snapped at him. Sawyer was big, solid, and strong, but he was also sensitive. He always thought before he spoke, and was careful not to say things he didn’t mean. Usually, that made it easy to do the same, but she’d been so worried that Paul was up for parole—they’d said it wouldn’t happen for at least two years, but she knew the California prisons were overcrowded—that she’d lashed out without thinking.
She had felt awful the second the words were out of her mouth, but for some reason she hadn’t been able to say she was sorry. She’d wanted to, but apologizing would have meant dropping her guard, and she didn’t know what would happen if she let go right now. It felt like anger was the only thing keeping her from dissolving into an anxiety puddle on the ground. She had never dealt with the reality that Paul would eventually be released from jail. She hadn’t dealt with most of the tumultuous emotions thinking of Paul evoked, and now that was coming back to bite her in the ass. Big time.
Bite her in the ass, and, if she wasn’t careful, damage the best relationship she’d ever had. She needed to get her shit together,reallyget it together, not simply stick her head in the happy cloud she and Sawyer created together and pretend none of the bad things had ever happened.
By the time she pulled through the gate to The Lucky Strike, drove up the long road to the lodge, and arrived at the private drive leading to her parents’ home, Mia had decided to ask Tulsi for her friend the trauma therapist’s card. She was tired of being at the mercy of her past. She wanted to be as strong as she pretended to be, and she wanted to be the kind of grounded, in-control partner Sawyer deserved.
He really did feel like a partner, a member of her team, not just her boyfriend, or her lover. Things were electric between them in the bedroom—more electric with each passing night—but spending time with Sawyer was also like being with a friend. There were only good butterflies in her stomach when she was with him, none of the anxiety she’d felt with Paul, even in the beginning, when things had still been good between them. Sawyer was something special, the best of two worlds, and she wasn’t going to give him up without a fight.
Even if the things she had to fight were her own demons.
Mia parked the truck and hopped out, turning to face the front porch, where her parents, Gram, Tulsi, and Bubba—Tulsi must have called him in for additional backup—were already settled into the various swings and chairs that made the porch feel as inviting as any other part of the house. Gram and Tulsi were in a glider for two, and Bubba and Mom were settled into two wicker armchairs, while her father paced near the windows.
As soon as Mia slammed the truck door behind her, Dad turned and moved to stand behind Mom, his hands resting on her shoulders. Even from the front drive, Mia could see that everyone wore matching grim expressions. Whatever was going on, it was definitely bad.
She took a bracing breath, but she didn’t head for the steps. She waited until the hum of the bike approaching behind her became a rumble and Sawyer had parked beside the truck. She watched him swing off the chopper with his usual sexy beast-ish-ness, waiting until he had replaced his helmet with his Stetson before she reached out and took his hand.
“Sorry,” she said, as his big hand tightened around hers.
