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My dad and Nate were also beginning to worry about me. Mum informed them that I simply had a virus and needed rest, but Nate remained suspicious.
The only outings I made consisted of trips into town to help my mum run errands, or walking down to the river, which I did daily. I always felt better after an hour or two of sitting by the water.
* * *
Saturday night came around again and I hid upstairs. I suspected Luke and Marni were coming over for dinner, and told my mum I was too unwell. Even the thought of seeing them together made my chest ache.
Luke arrived a short time later, but thankfully I could only hear his voice downstairs. I still couldn’t bring myself to join them and chose to remain upstairs until he left.
Dawn’s blanket lay at the end of my bed and I suddenly couldn’t stand having it in my presence.
It was just past midnight when I neatly folded it up and carried it across to Luke’s house. All the lights were off, so I presumed it would be a safe time. I cautiously crept up the porch stairs and placed the blanket by the front door.
“We missed you at dinner,” a voice startled me from my right. I jumped in fright and discovered Luke sitting in the darkness on his nan’s chair swing, nursing a glass of whisky.
“Oh, shit! I didn’t see you there,” I said, grasping my chest.
“I know.” He smirked and took a sip of his drink.
I picked up the blanket and placed it on the chair next to him. “I just wanted to return this.”
Luke peered down at blanket. “Thanks,” he said softly, not meeting my eyes.
I turned to leave, but hesitated. “I’m sorry about last week,” I confessed, full of remorse. “It’s not like me to act that way, and I need to apologise, to you and to Marni. What happened was a long time ago.”
Luke remained silent and I looked away uncomfortably, deciding it was time to leave.
“You never told me who Jake was with that night,” he defended, evidently processing some inner turmoil.
I sighed and turned back to him. “I know and I’m sorry about that too.”
He swallowed down another mouthful of whisky. “Marni’s mum died,” he rasped.
“Oh, I…I didn’t know,” I gasped, feeling even worse for the way I acted.
“Just over a month ago…from cancer.”
I lowered my eyes as I listened. His voice was tainted with sorrow.
“I was helping her deal with her grief, and I guess we both—”
I sucked in my breath. “It’s okay. I understand.” I couldn’t bear it. No matter what their story was, I didn’t want to hear it. “You don’t need to explain.”
“Yeah, I do. She’s not a bad person, Blue,” he uttered, gazing up at me. “And we’ve all made mistakes.”
I shook my head and laughed to stop myself from crying. “That, we have.” And we made a pretty fucking big one.
As his eyes narrowed at my absurd behaviour, I straightened myself up and cleared my throat. “If she makes you happy then that’s perfect, because you deserve to be happy, Luke. More than anyone I know.”
He looked past me into the darkness and nodded, expressionless.
I retreated down the stairs before I fell apart.
“Are you okay, Nat?” he asked, unexpectedly.
I paused on the bottom stair and glanced back at him. He was trying to read me, so I looked away. “Sure, why?”
“Nate told me you’ve been pretty sick lately. He’s worried about you, and after seeing you collapse on stage…”
“I’m fine,” I confirmed, trying to prove it by meeting his eye, but I answered a little too quickly and he noticed. I should have told him then, but I didn’t. I froze.
As a line formed between his brows, I swiftly forced a smile. “I better go, I’m pretty tired.”
His jaw twitched and he nodded before I hurried back home.
