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“Thank god Dawn had the sense to save it,” I exhaled. “But why didn’t you show me? We worked on every song together back then.”
Luke ran his hand through his hair and shrugged. “I couldn’t.”
My forehead wrinkled. “Why?”
His gaze travelled back to the sheet music in his hands. “Because then you would’ve known…how I really felt.”
My mouth fell open. “This song…was about…us?” I whispered, wanting him to confirm what I thought he meant.
“Well…yeah.” He shrugged. “I’m surprised you didn’t realise.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “I guess I didn’t really focus on the lyrics too much because there were so many different versions. I didn’t know which one you wanted to work with, so I just played the melody.” How stupidly thoughtless of me.
“I used to spend hours in here, alternating the endings until I found one the perfect one. But when I finally did, I just threw it away.”
My heart ached for him. “Why would you do that to yourself?”
Luke’s jaw twitched. “Because it was hopeless. The ending that worked for the song wasn’t exactly the ending I was going to get.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “How did you know that? You never even told me how you felt.”
He glared at me. “How I felt didn’t matter. You needed to get out of Fairleigh and take on the world. I wasn’t going to be the one to hold you back.”
My temper surged. He should have told me how he felt. I spent years thinking it was all in my head and that he never returned my feelings. We could have worked something out, and avoided all this heartache. But what bothered me the most, was that he had taken away my choice in the matter.
We held each other’s gaze for a long moment before I spoke. “I think we should call it a day.” I rose from the couch to gather up my music.
“Blue…” Luke breathed.
I clenched my jaw and didn’t meet his eyes. “I’m okay, I just need some time to regroup. Just think about the song. Let me know if you’re keen to work on it or not. It’s up to you. You know where to find me.”
* * *
Over the next few days, I gave Luke some space. He may not have needed it, but I did. I used the excuse of the song, but I was scared of the way I felt about him and how he possibly felt about me.
We needed time to be friends first, before I could consider anything more. I knew if I stuffed up once more it would be over for good, and the thought of hurting him and my family paralysed me. I needed to put down some roots and prove to him, and myself, that I wasn’t going to run anymore.
My days were spent brainstorming my next move until I came up with an idea that could work. For my career and my personal life.
If I was going to release any more music, it would be under my terms. I played by my record label’s rules for years, but now it was time to take control of my music and my life. And hopefully change people’s lives in the process.
I searched our prehistorically slow internet for locally based independent record labels and discovered Little Bird Records. A smile grew on my face as I delved into their website and immersed myself in their portfolio of country music talent. It looked perfect.
Money wasn’t a factor in my life anymore. I had more than enough to live a comfortable life in a small country town, so I was looking to do things a little differently.
I wanted to write and record music, then invest my earnings back into a label that supported new talent. I wanted to give young artists the opportunity to make it to the big time and possibly mentor them along the way.
My anticipation grew as I listened to every audio file on their website. Their talent list was small, but it was amazing. I decided to call them and arrange a meeting with the owner, as soon as I recorded a rough take of my new songs.
* * *
Wanting to burn off some of my excitement, I pulled on my gumboots and went for a walk down to the river. I slipped past Luke’s house, and followed my usual track through the bush.
Although it was officially autumn, it was a steaming hot day in March and I decided to take off my boots and dip my feet in the water to cool off. The water was freezing, and I quickly reconsidered going any deeper.
I stepped towards a large rock jutting out of the riverbed and climbed on top. It was cool in the shade of the gumtrees and low enough for me to relax on, whilst dangling my feet in the water below. The sun was glimmering through the treetops and caressing my face as I lay back.
I blissfully closed my eyes, drew a deep breath of the fresh country air, and imagined myself living by the river. Perhaps I could buy a neighbouring property? Everything needed to fall into place first, before I could let anyone know my plans. The last thing I needed was my family getting involved. Especially my mother.
