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Anthony straightens to his full height and gives me that close-mouthed, half-smile of his. “Hey.”
“Hi,” I say, and head straight to him.
He opens his arms and I surrender into them. Bury my face against his chest and breathe in the scent of him, the fabric of his sweater soft beneath my cheek.
“It’s only been two days,” Anthony says, “but it feels like forever.”
“It does,” I agree. “I barely made it through my days without someone narrating the newspaper for me.”
“I’m sorry. I neglected my duties.”
“It’s okay,” I say, taking a step back and finding his hand with mine. “You’re here now.”
His eyes soften, but he doesn’t smile. “I am.”
He kisses me for a long time after that. Lips moving over mine in insistent, familiar patterns. I lock my hands behind his neck and hold on through it all.
His eyes are glazed when he lifts his head and smooths a thumb over my lips. They feel swollen. “Let’s sit down.”
The simple words cut through my haze of lust with the sharp sting of reality. I follow him to my couches and we take the right one, the one we’ve laid entangled on so many times.
He sits down, but if he wants us to sit properly, I won’t let him. I prop myself up against the pillows and throw my legs over his.
Anthony half-smiles, his free hand settling around my bare ankle. “You’ve been good?”
I nod. “You?”
“Yeah.”
“Two days,” I murmur.
He snorts. “Two days. Ridiculous.”
“And yet,” I say.
“And yet,” he agrees. “Summer… I want to apologize for Saturday.”
It takes me a moment to find the courage to say the next words out loud. But I do. “Do you feel bad for saying things you don’t believe? Or bad because you didn’t want me to hear them?”
He keeps his eyes on me for a long time, but I don’t look away. Watch me stay, I think. Watch me not shrink from this.
“I still believe in everything I said,” he finally says. “I can’t see how it could be otherwise.”
My eyes close on their own, like I can’t stand to let him see the expression in them.
“Summer, while I don’t see how it could be otherwise, Iwantto. Very, very badly. I was standing in line at the dry cleaners yesterday and out of nowhere I heard your voice. I don’t even think it’s something you’ve said to me, but I heard it so clearly you might as well have been standing beside me.Why the fuck are you wasting your time on this?That’s what you asked me.” He chuckles. “That’s why I knew it wasn’t actually you, by the way. You’d never curse.”
“I do,” I whisper. “Sometimes.”
His fingers tighten around my ankle. “But you wouldn’t in that situation. And I realized you were right. I’ve wasted so much time of however long I have left being pissed off. At the universe, at my eyes, at injustice. When I should have been living. Preparing. Seizing the fucking day, as you do.”
My mouth feels dry, but I nod, watching as an animated flush creeps up on Anthony’s olive cheeks. There are dark circles under his eyes, but his gaze is fierce.
“I don’t know,” he says, “if I can be the man you deserve. If I can fight this the way you think I can. It’s very likely that I won’t be as good of a… a boyfriend to you as someone else would. Someone who won’t have my limitations. But by God, Summer, I’m going to try.”
I reach over and cup his face between my palms. “I know you can. I know you will. Anthony, I—”
He kisses me, swallowing my words, and I fall onto the sofa. Pull him over me. His lips move with quiet urgency, pressing against my mouth like he’s memorizing its shape. Like he’s saying goodbye.
