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I’ve always thought I could tell Mia anything, but the way she looked at me made me feel a deep, far-reaching shame that I can’t quite put into words.
“Have you and Killian decided what to do?” I ask, as I wonder how that’s going to pan out.
If it turns out well for Mia, then maybe there’s some hope for me and Gavril, even though I know he doesn’t want any long-term commitment.
It’s pathetic that I’m sitting here, pining for him, and he could be with another woman right now.
The thought opens a dark pit in my gut that feels like it will swallow me from the inside out.
“Not really. All I know is I don’t want to stop seeing him.”
I nod in response. “What do you think Massimo would say if he found out?”
“He’d hit the roof because we’re at war with the Callaghan family.”
“Yeah, that’s going to be a tough conversation if you decide to bring it up.”
Mia purses her lips. “What about you and Nitkin?”
“What about it?” I ask, wishing she hadn’t brought him up at all.
“I don’t think he’d take too kindly to that pairing, either.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think he’ll need to. I may be into him, but he’s like a block of fucking ice.”
She gives me a pitying glance. “He doesn’t feel the same?”
“I don’t know. He made it clear when we started sleeping together that it was sex and nothing more.”
“Asshole,” Mia says.
“It’s not his fault that I agreed and then proceeded to fall for him.”
“It’s entirely his fault. You are an innocent, eighteen-year-old virgin, and he took advantage of you.”
I straighten. “That’s not true. I went into this knowing exactly what I was doing.”
Mia sighs. “Are you sure about that?”
“Certain.” I’m not going to sit here and let her think I’m some kind of victim in all of this. Gavril made it clear what our relationship was going to be from the start. He even tried to dissuade me from pursuing him, but I was relentless.
Now, it’s my own fault if he breaks my heart.
He warned me he’s a monster, and monsters don’t have hearts. I’m not entirely sure he knows how to feel for another person. It’s as if he’s wired up differently.
“I just hate seeing you get hurt.”
I bite my bottom lip. “I’ll be fine.”
Mia nods.
“It’s you I’m worried about. It’s dangerous being involved with the enemy, don’t you think?”
“Yes, but I can’t resist him. It’s like we’re magnets being pulled to one another, if that makes any sense.”
It does make sense, as I’ve felt the exact same thing with Gavril. “I get that, but you can’t keep it a secret forever.”
Her expression turns a little somber as she slumps back into the sofa. “I’m aware of that, but how can I tell Massimo?”
