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When I’m outside his office I wipe away any tears before I tap my knuckle against the door, waiting for his voice to permit me to enter, and when it does, I step inside.
The atmosphere is different from earlier. Father seems unnervingly calm, and is waiting behind his desk with a large drink poured in front of him, he almost seems pleased with himself.
“Close the door behind you,” he orders and I do as he asks, the thud of the oak against its frame feeling like the final beat of my heart as I step closer towards him. The curtains are drawnacross the windows so if Nyx is watching he won’t be able to see me now.I stand in front of Father’s desk, feeling his eyes judge me in disgust. There’s no visible sign of the belt, at least I have that to be grateful for.
“You have embarrassed me and our family beyond any redemption, do you understand that, Ella?” he tells me calmly. My head bobs up and down in response, but I can’t look him in the eyes.
“You have forced me to take action, and your mother has had to suffer the price for your decisions.” Again, I nod, trying so hard to hold back my tears. This man doesn’t deserve them, he’s already gotten enough pleasure out of hurting Mom, I’d seen the sick satisfaction on his face as he struck her.
“I’ll ask you again, did you fuck the boy?” He’s getting impatient, and I don’t need to look at his face to see how much the thought repulses him.
“No,” I shake my head.
“And why, Ella, should I believe a single word that comes out of that lying whoring mouth of yours.” His leather chair creaks when he stands up, and he slowly rounds his desk, prowling towards me until he’s so close that I smell the whiskey on his breath.
“Did you give him your pussy, Ella?” My stomach clenches in disgust hearing those words come from his mouth as I shake my head again.
“Did you let him take your virginity?” he whispers heavily into my ear, his lips so close to touching me that it makes my skin crawl.
“No,” I repeat.
“Come on, Ella, you don’t honestly expect me to believe that you didn’t let him touch you, especially given the state you came home in.”
“He didn’t. I promise.” I focus so hard on holding in my tears.
“Is that why you had the doctor prescribe you those birth control pills, how long have you been sexually active, Ella?” He questions me harder. I have no idea how he could know any of this. I haven’t even told Mom about my visit to the Doctor last year. It was Penelope’s suggestion for me to ask for birth control as a way to steady my periods and so far, it’s been working.
“No. That’s not what they’re for. I take them for my…”
“I could check for myself, you know.”
His words chill the marrow inside my bones. I couldn’t have heard them right, he couldn’t be suggesting…
“You're my daughter and if I think you have been tampered with, I have every right to make sure that you’re still intact.”
“Please,” I beg, trying to remain calm, but it’s useless, a wet tear drips free and trickles slowly over my cheek. I’m beyond holding them back now. I’m too scared.
“Pull down your shorts, Ella… your underwear too,” he commands so calmly it sounds like he’s asking me to pass him the salt at the dinner table.
“No,” I refuse. I can’t let him do that, this is wrong on so many levels. I can’t let my own father touch me there, he shouldn’t even want to touch me there.
“Do as I ask, or I will drag your mother back down those stairs and beat her until the sun rises tomorrow morning,” he threatens, closing his eyes like he’s holding back his anger.
“Please, I’m not lying.” I won’t let him hurt her again, up until today I’ve only ever seen the aftermath of what he does to her. It’s way worse than I thought, I’ve never seen her broken like the way I have tonight.
“You have lost my trust. I have no reason to believe you anymore. Now do as I say or go fetch your mother.” He’s losing his calm, practically foaming from the corners of his mouth, and I’ve never felt so helpless or hollow.
“Beat me. Take off your belt and lash me until daylight if it’s what you need. I’m the one who did this not her,” I beg him through sobs, and he responds by smiling back at me darkly.
I look to his window, wondering if Nyx is out there. I know he won’t see and knowing what I’m gonna have to do next, a part of me is grateful for that. I can’t imagine the damage he’d do if he saw my father touch me like he’s suggesting.
“Listen to yourself, slut. Needy and begging for my fucking belt. Is that how you like it. Is that how you let him fuck you, like a dirty whore?”
“No,” I croak, sliding down to my knees and grabbing at his ankles. “Please, you can take me to a doctor, let them give me a check-up. You don’t need to do this.”
I squeal when he snatches a fistful of my hair, tearing it from the scalp as he pulls me from the floor.
“You’re my daughter. Slut. You’re my responsibility. Now take off your underwear and let me check if you’re lying to me or not.” His spittle lands on my cheek as he talks. And my body goes numb as I pull myself back together and steady myself on my feet.
